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A lil intro
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post2273475
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=185116
-Yo Gangsta Nation, aka black, on black on black on BLACK...sooner or later im comin for you playa.
yo, check,
- Im a beast thats off his chain, an unstoppable force like a hurricane, i dont discriminate, i make all walks of life feel my pain. No need for guns my words are like bullets, i got an itchy trigga finga and i aint afriad to pull it.
-Im from the GA comin through and we dont play, i have straight niggas come at me and start to act gay. Yo im half white half jamaican an i spit from the brain my words are never taken, im the hottest beat makin, make your body shakin, girl takin playa around. So all othas just drop down, kiss the ring then kiss the ground.
-Im always hot and never lame comin at niggas always different never the same. I the one beast that could never be tamed and if you hit me up you're garunteed to be mamed. So come on let me hear the sounds you bring, I know this is my first day but im already the motha fukin king!
Peace out.
Hit me up with some feed back.
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This was ok for a first go the rhyme scheme needs to be layed out better.
Your vocab was ok but up it to describe your feelings aqnd actions better.
The flow was ok but try and work on it so the rhymes sound smoother.
The punches were pretty poor if you write a piece like this try and add stronger punchlines or metaphors.
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you need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, thanks.
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haha come on man this is a newb act 1st thing he does is wanna call out a legend....lol anyways man....SHIT WASNT THAT GREAT...need ALOT OF HELP on punches and also ur flow sucked...make sure ppl understand wht ur talkin about....overall KEEP IT UP..FATTY..lol
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it wasnt bad for like a poetry entry but you cant battle someone like GN with that, keep elevatin tho
