Slow Down(remix)<<Feedback Plz>>

[G-Money]
baby gurl slow down hold up wait a minute
at this point in time i aint tryin get up in it
i jus wanna know ya, give me exposure
to give us time to give our ex'es some closure
i mean ur body is bangin without a doubt
i jus hope sometime me n u will be hangin out
maybe makin out, jus dont let ur friends be ya clout
u know wat im talkin about, soon enough u gonna shout
my name, so for now lets exchange our numbers
maintain in touch, so i can still spit my game to others
its not that imma playa i jus wanna keep my options open
hoping.. i dont meet a gurl who is really outspoken
not knowing if ur past boyfriend left you heart broken
i've been scoping to make sure that you dont be smokin
i aint lookin for a housewife jus a gurl who can act right
catch my eye at first sight, quinch my thrist quite like...
the first time i... ever ever got a piece of some poon tang pie
so for now baby gurl lets just slow it down
cus sooner or later our time will come around...now


[Hook:2x]
Slow down I just wanna get to know you
But don't turn around
Cuz that pretty round thing looks good to me(so good baby)
Slow down never seen anything so lovely
Now turn around
And bless me with your beauty, cutie



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=167511
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=177836

uppin....dont sleep on me y'all .... leave links i'll return the favor

Wtf?

wtf?? dont freepost in my shit...if u dont like it then say so nigga...the reason u post OMs is to get responses ... u can read right?? then next time leave feedback... u seen where it says g-money ... thats my verse ... jus thought i'd point it out since ur ass is confused

This peice was horrible!
I saw you ryhme maybe once or twice up untill you got the part where you said"[G-Money]"
Then i saw nothin at all clever, no multies, no metas, no nothin. You went from not ryhming at all to suckin at ryhming. First off you need to learn what good structure is. Your lines are about as straight as you sexuality. Plus only herbs have sigs with sayings that capitalize certain letters at unecessary times.
Also.. Dont talk shit to me EVER. i will merk the fuck outta you in a battle.
Now Stfu and go read some tutorials to teach you haw to rap.

bro your just a bitch for makin a sogn outof this shit useless shit

i hope u know this is jus a verse i put on a song out on the radio right now.... i aint trippin off u crucial....all i see u do is freepost on peoples shit to look like u always droppin cuz i havent read one of ur pieces to actually know ur style ... n i seen ur battle...nothin special...n rocks ... leave feedback next time of why this piece was garbage... i dont care if u think imma bitch cuz ur a fake ass internet thug jus leave feedback ... i aint here to know if u think ur a thug... or gangsta...

im form 3rd street abylon sonny ask botu me, next time u fdrop.. rhyem son

this wasnt horrible but it could use work. mos def would be better in audio then it appears in text. if you look at a lot of rappers there text's do not have much multi's in them but it is not apparent like it is when it's text. this seemed like a radio love song when i was reading it. and i feel like you were going for a commercial approach and if that is what you are looking for then your mission is complete. you should have expected some people to jump all over this though becuase as far as text standards go this was a bit below average.

please return the favor and hit up my piece pitch black

Worst piece everrrrrrrrr

yeah well i figured ppl would notice that but i guess not!... for all the big words i see in texts, they sure aint the brightest muthafuckas!! but i aint trippin thanks i appreciate some decent feedback...