Final Thoughts (ft. Hit 'n' Run)

most of the crew are in on this one, check it out:

Reflections- Credz

Tears of the World- Deviate


Na~Ledge
My soul slowly desending to an unknown destination
Earth's lights dim as I'm mamed by the grim revelation
Of my mortality, rapidly life flashes before my eyes
The past failures and success that lead to my demise
Wishing to be granted command of the hands of time
Rewind back to my conception, possibly alter my design
Refine shortcomings, redirect course I navigated wrong
Correct mistakes, erase fate's blueprint to bring me harm
But I can't, death takes all, from this scheme I can't escape
So with a prayer and closed eyes I loosen life's embrace

K9
A shadow of a thought moves silently interrupted briefly by a click,
Facing the barrel,I think not clemency from the corrupted drug addict,
But random thoughts fly inside at a high frequency…Softly in my ear,
I hear Death’s anthem over whispers with pungency from my past-lived life,
With deeper breath I visualize thru my mental eyes not being alive,
Not seeing my family,my friend,my baby cuz I won’t survive my ending,
Tearing in my heart,pending for my final bell,to fade to black like a raven,
Should I depart painlessly…would I go to heaven or fall in hell?
In five seconds I linger endlessly in that thought inside my head,
He pushes the trigger…………………………..……..I’m dead.

Johnny 6-feet
It's been said, the end of life brings a tunnel of light
But as my breathing shallows, there's no funnel in sight
I think back on my sins, my victories and my losses
Slapping livid bosses, making a track to drop it
Its been a long trip, i'm exhausted i'm ready to die
ready to steadily fly to the heavens and lie
I've weighted, judged and given credit for trying
For keeping my head to the grindstone, stopped the devil from rising
I almost smile as i enter the final release
Life's stresses are over, its time for peace.

Berlin's Best
As death fades out what’s left I come to finally think of regret.....nah
Fuck regret, I neglect every hard feeling, I starved...my heart’s kneeling
Too late to start dealing with what wasn’t of importance for long
I hold my last two cents to pay the transport to heavens fort.......
.....and mortgage for a bong......
now I got shortage all among knowledge n shit
just let the clip spit cuz ain’t never been nobody to acknowledge the kid

Djb
Living to breath, but im breathing to die, I lie
cry to try to clear my eyes of pain that resides
derived from being deprived inside I crumble
subtle exterior but exaggerated heart mumbles
struggles double and infest an altered conscious
haunted by my thought process as god watches
while each breath botches the entity of existence
I wish this resistence died so life and I would distance
I revisit great times in my mind to find im empty
hope kept me, now living’s nothing and death’s plenty

*BANG*

yo fams!this really looks great...congrats on everybody for a good job!

Wow... You guys keep coming with the collabs. Anyway I'll break this down verse by verse.

Na~Ledge
I liked your verse a lot. Good vocabulary and an interesting take on the topic. Your ideas shown here were good. Seeing as you are only writing a short verse it is important you include everything you need to say concisely, yet with as much detail as possible - I think you did well at this.

K9
Your verse was different than Na's... You concentrated more on the moments leading up to your death. You included great imagery and metaphor which helped make your short verse very interesting. I wasn't wild about the last line "I'm dead". I thought that could've been expressed differently or perhaps a little better. But overall, a nice verse.

Johnny 6-Feet
I liked your verse a lot. You're take on the end was, again, different to the others but I think you looked at it well. I liked the way you contemplate the end and how you've worked for your life to end well. There could've been more imagery and metaphor perhaps but that wasn't a big factor in a small verse. I liked your piece a lot though...

Berlin's Best
This was ok... It wasn't quite to the standard of the preceding verses though. You also had a different take but it wasn't as deep and thoughtful as the others. Contradicting yourself and such seems more like a battle verse and moving onto something new rather than an OM where you write feelings and emotion flowingly.

DJB
First thing that struck me here was the first line's similarity to Tupac ft. Notorious BIG - Runnin'. The line in that song is "I'm dying to live, but I'm just living to die" or something along those lines. Past that though you wrote well... Good metaphors and imagery used to explain your death which was interesting. You wrote well here.

* * *

Overall, I liked this piece. You wrote well together despite the difference in approach from Berlin's Best. One thing that got my attention while looking at these was that all of you wrote from the point of view that you were being shot... I'm not sure if you were meant to do that but it could've been a little different. I think Johnny and Na both addressed a natural death it seems and coincedentally they had the best verses? Perhaps it is only coincedence.

I don't mean to criticize this completely because it wasn't bad... Seeing all of your individual takes on death were interesting. I enjoyed reading it even if it was pretty depressing. The only advice I can give is to keep at it... Elevate. Berlin's Best I'd suggest that you keep writing... Speak to the others or just think in more creative ways rather than writing quite a plain verse - It wasn't bad but it wasn't quite on the level of the others. That being said well done guys... Keep at it.

Christ that was a lot of feedback lol...

If you could check out "Alone I Seek..." in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

wow thank you very much. i look at your om and it is nice. i am going to bed now but i will drop some good feed on it tomorrow. lol yeah i didnt even realize how close that was to that pac song. oops.

to Deviate:
" this is the last time I'ma say this so pay attention....

I AM GERMAN

I wanna see u write some in German....feel me?!....

good job y'all...guess I was the weak point....pz

Na~Ledge
I liked yours, you had a few decent lines expressed very well, and your closer just killed it perfectly. You had some nice lines that kept me interested in your part, nice work.

K9
Yours I wasn't feeling as much man, it was an interesting take on this but I don't think it came off all that well. Once again your vocab excelled here, but I just wasn't feeling it overall.

Johnny 6-Feet
Yours had some nice wordplay, and a decent imagery. I liked you opener and closer was well brought forward. Your was a little simple, but you got your points across well and it was a good read.

Berlin's Best - HE IS GERMAN, HE WRITES IN HIS SECOND LANGUAGE, DONT SLEEP ON HIM.
I liked your verse, it approached it in a different way than the others. I liked the line you cut up, it had a bit of emotion in it too, overall this was a good solid part of the piece.

djb
your verse was a little deeper than the others, and you rhymes a little bit better in my opinion. It wasn't anything I've never seen before, but it was decent and I think it was my favourite part of this.

---
Overall, I liked the concept of this piece with it coming nice for the most part. I think maybe it was a little short, as it was only the 5 of you doing 5 bars each, maybe you could of extended it and dropped verses together added a nice hook or sumtin.

This was decent anyways, keep dropping guys.

And to those who havent dropped feed on my latest drop
Issue - Tearstained Pages
Please do :thumbup:

cheers for the feedback everyone. Uppin this one time ^^

nice shit man i enjoyed this

ill verse everybody was a pleasure

one last bump