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Vicious Sixteen
I wanna stack riches, smack snitches my raps vicious
Like sid killing nancy in a drug rage, this a thugs page
My flow is adored your lyrics get less love than fat bitches
People hear me but id really like the maggots to listen
Lyrically i make labels more exstatic than faggots in prision
I match these syllables, I catch these liberals
In my lyrical cage, show em psychical rage, my raps be miracles
I couldnt say this any simpler i'll knock your ass out
You couldnt see me if you had binoculars and i lived in a glass house
The way you and your man act
You should be buying shoes and wearing tampax
You might be living well but motherfucker i was born sick
I'll exploit you more than a boss who's secretary stars in porn flicks
Theres not much difference between haters and friends
Bitches and ladies, my brains full of stitches im crazy
Probably not or maybe so shit im sick of papers and pens
This is just a quick sixteen bars couple of punches check the first 3 bars and the last 3 bars for inside rhymes i thought id point it out cause i know most of you wouldnt catch them, oh yeah nancy was sid vicious girlfriend he stabbed her to death when he was off his head on smack for those who dont know.
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Ok, first thing I noticed was the structure...
At first I thought it might throw the flow off but it didnt. I woulda liked to have seen a specific story coz with that title you can do a lot. But either way you had some decent lines and a great flow.
I match these syllables, I catch these liberals
In my lyrical cage, show em psychical rage, my raps be miracles
^^ My favourite part
Overall, good drop but try and get into a deep story tellin piece. With practise at that you'll reach your potential
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Your rhyme scheme is hot, your punchlines are ok, keep at it though you got some potential....you got that original style that dont really sound like evryone elses....
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My flow is adored your lyrics get less love than fat bitches
^ had me rolling... lmfao... nice shit.. ive seen better shit from u tho, but this was still pretty dope, dope rhyme scheme, and a flawless flow.. really went well with everything.. played concept yet the content was dope..
peace
return the favor please..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=183322
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This was a nice piece. Flowed well, and had some good punchlines in there. My favourite one was 'You couldnt see me if you had binoculars and i lived in a glass house', as it was amusing, and flowed well from the previous line. As somebody said, you could have maybe done more with the title, but thats doens't affect the verse really. Was a nice piece overall and a good read.
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Thanks for the feed i just posted it to show i can switch the flow up and show my skills not just keeping the flow the same on every piece i write.
Next piece is gonna be different so look out for it PEACE.
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pretty good....that's about all I can say... I mean the only way I could critique is if I could do better...and I can't so...????????????
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lol
tight man i like the flow of it
"I match these syllables, I catch these liberals
In my lyrical cage, show em psychical rage, my raps be miracles"
^
my favorite line
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This was pretty cool.
You had a fair and consisten vocabulary and pretty good rhymes.
You had some pretty good lines through it,so keep writing,and elevating yourself.
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my fav lines:
People hear me but id really like the maggots to listen
Lyrically i make labels more exstatic than faggots in prision
The way you and your man act
You should be buying shoes and wearing tampax
its cuz i look, more than anything else, complexity
i was feeling the glass house line, but these other two more
like immortal, i like when lines have dounble meanings, or encoded with a subliminal meassage
ya flow was cool too
at first i was like naw,
then as i read it, saw it flowed nicely
thanx for the feed back on my peice
props
stay up dun
p.s... im lookin for a crew
so far i've battled Clestial, Ayduu, and philla....
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thanks for the feed uppin this once more then i'll post up some new shit.
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lol fucking nice alot beter then me lol
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The flow was nice I wouldnt right something like this but you did a nice job...
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an alright verse but could be better work on flow ok everythin else is ok rate - 6.5/10
