"keystyle" i did a few weeks ago...

i'm sad inside, but i guess it doesn't matter
no reason to talk about how my heart shattered
no reason to speak about how my knees are weak
just let me think and forget the things
that bother me and just are meant to sting
forget the scenes in my mind that are meant to be
supress the dreams and just set me free
repress the things that will never be
suggest to me something like stress to leave
it's best to believe that my mess is clean
it's left to me to digest the flings
and request a leave of absense to eject feelings
i bet the beast inside my chest won't leave
it's testing me to bring out the best in me
but it's wrecking me like you won't believe
just notice me and just go to me
start holding me and just stop scolding me
i'm bolder, see, i'm like a colder me
i'm older than thee but i'm no soldier, me?
no General Incredible, just a literal, tragical, disasterpiece
critically, mentally half-diseased, you laugh at me
but you don't see the half of me, that's the thing
you just have to see, no girl's running right after me
vice-versa, yes, i guess that that's the key
hear my plea, feel the beat inside my chest start weakening

yeah... girls can be evil... haha.


here are links to feedback i have provided:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=183358
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178612

2 Links to 2 open mics you left feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

this was pretty tight......i say to upp some of the weight......try to get a lil deeper into the context when you key shit.......but all in all.....shit's was aight.....



and yes...


Girls can be evil....

I liked this tight flow nice vocab overall a good drop liked these lines


it's best to believe that my mess is clean
it's left to me to digest the flings
and request a leave of absense to eject feelings
i bet the beast inside my chest won't leave
it's testing me to bring out the best in me
but it's wrecking me like you won't believe
just notice me and just go to me
start holding me and just stop scolding me
i'm bolder, see, i'm like a colder me
i'm older than thee but i'm no soldier, me?
no General Incredible, just a literal, tragical, disasterpiece

I thought this was good. It flowed well, with your multis in the middle of the verse, they worked well. The structure was fine, and you had some good vocab scattered throughout the piece. Keep experimenting with rhyming, and you'll develop your style.
Thanks for checking out my open mic.

thanks for the comments guys.

credz: i'll go do some more feedback right now.

alright, i've done some feedback now. i edited my thread starter.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Paragon

alright, i've done some feedback now. i edited my thread starter.

---

Paragon needs to be gone cause his shit is wack
ive put up with too many niggas like him on my back
Fuck your feelings I have feelings too
I guess thats why I got caught with 2 roche's in schoo
Im ahead of the game ill go insane
ill bust yo brain untill your tamed
release the beast thats the best you can do
share your feelings untill you get through
do what your heart tells you its whats best
livin a thug like will be your final test

lol, hey man, its me, reply nice raps man, just messin with ya, it was som good and bad. Mostly good though, you should see my rap battles in the final front or whatever, i got dissed pretty hardcore, but i can work at it. :shoot:

keystyles are pointless.