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Hitch Hiker
just a no-show verse I liked
I am a genuine failure
Because I refuse to wear a taylored suit
And cleanshaven features are leechers for the cute
My dad was a jaded preacher with everything
To lose
And I had the love seeker in me before I was even two
I never abused drugs, felt my parent's love but refused hugs
Cause I knew the day would come where a cold shoulder
Would be a shrug
So I was prepared to shrug off God, and abandon the road
To deserted trails of lost females where emotions are rolled
Into marijuana tumbleweeds, where my words are cannons and moats
I sell the harmless product to kids with no fathers
and false hope
I wish I could call home...
That my flashlight had batteries and I had some light
That the grumbling in my stomach was the thundering in the sky
Cause I feel the remnants of yesterday creeping in today
And I have nothing left to say
Just to throw up my thumb and inner bottled pain of decades
Spent in the rain, vomiting
The remains of undisgested love, sex, age
In a tragic mood, this asphalt is rabbit food
On my way to the hitchhiker trails
To the river of styx, depression nailed my saviour to a cross
With spike nails.
Credz, I hit up some kid named 6one7 and a diss by The Prince of Penis. Peace.
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This was overall hot
You dont even need feed you hold ya own
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ok man that was pretty good verse u know but in tha begining u had short lines and then u had longer ones so i felt u were weak in tha begining and then came strong at the end need 2 work on flow and word structure but ur lines were good and tha delivery really got a good overthrow for ur verse but i can see u are a good rapper and probably wasnt ur best but im not goin to say it was ur worst but keep on workin on it and ull exceed overall rate-7.5/10 good job!
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It's funny how anything good in this section is overlooked like fuck.
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^true man...first i wanna say the flow was good in despite what others think.if they don't see the last word on every line rhyme with the last one the line before or after then the flow is off.idiots!it's good for a no-show,considering in no-show verses u do it more like a keystyle,you don't take your time to write.the rhymescheme was good and not that predictable and i noticed as i read your good word choice.i liked very much the way you painted the imagery,you gave a good amount of detail for the reader to understand yur piece better.fav part:
"Cause I feel the remnants of yesterday creeping in today
And I have nothing left to say
Just to throw up my thumb and inner bottled pain of decades
Spent in the rain, vomiting
The remains of undisgested love, sex, age" - i like how you emphasized the longer lines thru the shorter ones.
over all a good read.good piece man.first time i read one of yours...Keep it up!
and if you have time please drop a feed in this:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=181482
i got only one good feed,others lame one line feeds from noobs.Peace man!
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"Just to throw up my thumb and inner bottled pain of decades
Spent in the rain, vomiting
The remains of undisgested love, sex, age"
That was my favorite part. This was a very poetic, introspective piece. I enjoyed the read. Keek up the good work.
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man that was hot good lyrics and flowed nice keep it up
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This was a good read, pretty creative and serving well in carrying the topic, some lines stood out this one was dope
"I never abused drugs, felt my parent's love but refused hugs
Cause I knew the day would come where a cold shoulder
Would be a shrug"
so yeah, keep up the writing you inspire me maaaaan
:thumbup:
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keep the mad shit up nice concept and feeds were ill
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yo that shit was ill nice.
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Nice peace.
"Just to throw up my thumb and inner bottled pain of decades
Spent in the rain, vomiting
The remains of undisgested love, sex, age"
