Identify?

Trigger my temper i'll show you a man worse than a demon
How can i want a family when theres a curse in my semen
Too many words to weave not enough time to wait
Raised around ruin and rage so im inclined to hate
Anything at anytime of day or in the darkest night
Lighting up a blunt in the pitch black is the only spark of light
That i see through my eyes as they shut tight
All we seem to see is destruction and death so fuck life
Passing on is my passion whats your love life?
Your scared of the future so your a thug right?
Yeah ive heared that, theres a line of us so join the queue
Theres a difference to what a coin is to me and a coin is to you
All the strugglers know all the speech i employ
Three or four hours of nightmares is the sleep i enjoy
You probably dont identify cause you as soft as your bitch is
Nah fuck that you probably dont identify cause you a rich kid

I talk to demons who are determined to turn me into what i hate the most
So i stay up twenty for seven getting high having a debate with ghosts
Ouji board out and im conjuring up the courage to use it
You must be outta your mind if you discourage my music
Im evil is what some naysayers may think but they wrong though
Out of my soul into your cerebral are wheir all my songs go
Deny it and i'll be more than determined to change your outlook
My minds not where its supposed to be like words without a book
I feel the devil guiding me but i try not to follow the trail
Today could be freedom but tommorow its jail
Life is funny like that aint it are you really paying attention
I left school six years ago but i still stay in detention
Damn it your lucky you caught me in one of my deeper moments
My thoughts are normally gruesome and graphic i try to keep the focus
I really couldnt care what you think of the verse i just wrote
Im not dead quite yet but i know that the hearse is just close

Fav Line....
'I feel the devil guiding me but i try not to follow the trail
Today could be freedom but tommorow its jail'

i luv this line...pr0bly cuz i identify wit it....this had a nice fl0w t0 it...t0 g0 wit the em0tion....i like this piece dawg....g00d shit

I was feeling this dog... Kind of a dark and edgy side to it... You already said it, I don't really identify cause I'm a rich kid, but this piece was still dope... Multies, Flow, everything was on point... Sometimes you threw words in only to make a multi, like the last line... But other than one or two instances of that this shit was almost flawless... 9/10... Stay up...

Hit up my OM couldn't cope, it's a few down from the top.

Imma go ahead and say this was really well written man....I felt it was from ur heart...and Imma give you a 8.5/10 on it excellent job man!!!!!!

Damn man maybe your just telling a story from another perspective or something,, but i can fucking relate to this


hard fukken delivery of worde as well


good fukken rhymes as well yo

pz

I appreciate the feed this is probably one of better rhymes ive written im not dissing anybody whos rich im just a bit pissed off with being broke and all the other shit that goes with it i was just expressing my feelings i glad you identify with it PEACE.

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180985
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180981

yo i can tell dis was deep nah mean....shyt iz seriouz b...

Too many words to weave not enough time to wait
Raised around ruin and rage so im inclined to hate

i like those linez....but nasty shyt here b....EZ

That was an incredible piece, the imagery and emotion were deep as was the whole story line. Good metas and structure. Its obvious you have a way with words, and you used that to your advantage here. Some good vocabulary in there also... Decent topic.. but you wrote to it very well

Fave Bars:

That i see through my eyes as they shut tight
All we seem to see is destruction and death so fuck life
Passing on is my passion whats your love life?
Your scared of the future so your a thug right?
Yeah ive heared that, theres a line of us so join the queue
Theres a difference to what a coin is to me and a coin is to you

Really dope bars right there, and they flowed toghether perfectly..

overall: 9/10

yo man thats tight pretty dope good job

Whaddup,
Dis ill as hell. Got damn, my man got heart. - Hy

Appreciate the feed, uppin.

More replies please this piece is decent stop sleeping.

nice drop man.was kinda emotional and it appealed to me more that way.the imagery was done quite good,the emotions could've been delivered a little better thru some higher words,but nothing to stand out.The rhymescheme could've been also improved,not riming mostly the last word of the line before...would've helped the flow a little and so would be the use more multis.but overal i liked it,as i said i like when people put their thoughts down for others to read.don't mind my little crits on the flow and rhymescheme,they were just minor suggestions.

and if ya have time,please check out "writings of an immortal soul" in my sig.

anyway,uppin for ya

How come this shit is getting slept on? this is one of the sickest verses on open mic right now stop sleeping check the flow and tell me this aint hot HATERS.

Wake Up.