Concealed confessions ..

the pain ..
no one know's but it wont show ..
or does it ..?
no signs for me too lead me thru` what can i do?
god left my house and the devil took me in accrue
the path that i choose` was not my path .. but a path too lose
like a hell, fire draining me! the heat! felt this sort off .. infuse
losing my own quality's and believes so afraid but still i will refuse
too give in to this .. form of betray
wondering if it wil go away, with doubts but my fight will stay ..
against a web of illusions filled with confusion
but what really is the conclusion? no one knows'
and it sure as hell wont show my pain is concealed
and unrevealed towards you, my family, and even myself
.. just lowering oneself in this dishonorable way
no place for me too stay, no church for me to pray
trapped in moral value's characterized myself with this aura
incubating my concealed confessions in this box off pandora ..

maybe its all just one big illusion ....


again borderline poetry .. but poetry is slept on : )

Brooklyn bob
Word~perfect

This was a good piece the imagery shined through to me i dont know if it would work as a rap but you said it was a poem so it was dope as a piece of written word. The vocabulary was good it made what you was saying stand out the flow wasnt there but this was poetry so the flow doesnt really matter.
Overall a good piece.

Return the favour
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=178619

^ha

no thanks..

This was excellent poetry... You're right it does border on rap but I think that the structure worked a little better if looked at as poetry.

The message carried was very interesting. Questioning reality is a personal favourite topic of mine and seeing other people write about it always interests me... In my opinion you wrote about it very well. The vocabulary you used worked well with the topic and complimented each line adding to the already present complexity. It wasn't particularly long or structured but the amount included suited the topic... The rhetorical questions you're seemingly asking yourself in this also makes this very interesting making it stand out from other pieces.

I enjoyed it... You should drop more... If you could check out "Alone I Seek..." in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Peace

i like this one nice imagery here. fuck stucture there was some nice imagery here. vocab was a good choice nice syllable count i was feeling this. word. keep ya shit up 1

...

Very nice.It flowed like wine.Great vocab.Very deep and enthralling.Keep it up son.Holla

this sucked..

sorry , but it did... so many played ideas and alot of regular word choices u see every fucking day from every fucking one..

less than average.. :thumbup:

^word..

:rolleyes:

up

Nah, i agree with that kid a little .. It was all a bit too cliched for me, especially all the `is it an illusion?` and the Pandoras Box line .. It felt to me like you were holding back on what you really wanted to say .. It lacked the kind of .. raw emotion that would of tightened this up a lot. Though, with that said, this is the first poetry type piece ive read from you and it wasnt all that bad. I liked the opening line:

the pain ..
no one know's but it wont show ..
or does it ..?

I feel like that sometimes, where its like .. the REAL problems im dealing with are touched on in my pieces subliminally - but i never come directly out with it and voice them. All in all i liked this. Wasnt bad.

Props yO ..

Gotta agree w/ some of the above,
The Start was way better than the end,
yes the illusion was abit clichy
but i enjoyed reading it....so props.

i only used the pandora and illusion, cause it had a nice flow with the sentence y0

peep the other drop :thumbup: