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Blessed Upon
The Skin Cracks Like A Pod. Water Hungery The Sun Still Shines
Gold Mines To The Undeveloped, The Bones Of Each Spine
Word Of Mouth Lets Them Know, Its Time To Go, One Opportunity
Together They Rush Forward As One, Standing As A Community
Tin Mugs, Copper Pans, Using Anything They Can They Grab For It
Desperate Hands, Just Grab As Much As They Can, Minds Split
Sand Crunches Under Their Feet, Bodies De-hydrate In The Heat
Overhead Sun Filled Sky, Around Here There Is No Street
This Source Is Much Needed, For Each Tree A Plant Is Seeded
They HAd Ran Out, They Begged And To The Gods They Pleaded
Living Out Of Town, India, Bombay, A Natural Source Is Great
Between Them No Hate, But The Ending Of This Would Decide Their Fate
They Reach The Spot, Feeling More Than Hot, The Push Forward
No Ques, This Was Their Oppurtunity To Live, Not Being Awkward
The Pipe Had Burst, The Town Without Water, The Scavengars Chance
Grabbing as much as they can, Filling Pans And Hands, Needing To Enhance
Sickening Thoughts As The Children Enjoyed What They Were Seeing
Men And Women Around, Could Not Believe, Around Mixed Feelings
Blessed By The Gods, The Historic Camp Had Been Given Water
A Source Of Life, For Men And Women, For Sons And Daughters
Children Danced Naked Around THe Split In THe Pipe, Wealthy Without
The Amount Of Pain This Camp Had Suffered, From The Summers Drought
The Gods Had Blessed Them, Gave Them The Water They Needed
To Give Them A Miracle Water Was Needed, And In This They Had Succeeded
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I remember reading a poem like this once called "Blessing"... It was praised as a really good poem... I had to study it... And yeah it was good but to be honest this was better. You had a lot more emotion, powerful imagery and strong vocabulary. You wrote well with the topic and showed your writing skills well here combining a lot of different skills. It wasn't very long but that wasn't a major factor, nor was it something I would criticize about this piece. Structure was good too... Easy to read.
I liked this piece a lot... Could write more feedback but you get my point... This was a definately good. Nice work as always Sylentz...
If you could check out "Trinity..." in my sig I'd appreciate it...
Peace
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Wow this was deeper than I pictured it would be, I like the second bar the best.... It was the most emotional two lines I've read standing for something of pride, yet sadness.... it was nicely worded the whole way through, the vocabulary was good and the details on colors and views on things were... Dare I say.... Trippy. Overall the structure was well matched with the wording, commas used correctly and the story line hit the fantasy world well with a twist of beauty that fit in nice with the characteristics of your writing. I enjoyed reading it, you had little use of multis but I am sure you did not wish for them to be so compact with them. Very nice job Sylentz.
Peace.
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This was good, topic was nice, nothin new but you came creative and different on this and it kept me interested through the whole verse. the emotion was strong. the imagery was also very good, it made this more of a story to me wich i liked alot. you worded every line in here good, it made it much easier and better to read. your multis and flow was good. structure was good. the length was ok, nothing i can argue with but it would be nice if this was longer. but yeah this was a good peice, it was definatly worth the read, hope to see more from you
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shit was pretty tight son.. i aint seen much of ur work so cant say if its ur best.. but this peace was coo son -strait-... didnt really have any flaws to speak of.. flow was hot..
overall above avrage drop
oNe
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poetic... not really OM to me, but good though. work on flow, it broke down a couple times, could have been much smoother... but I liked the realness in this one.
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nice rhyme scheme, but very simplistic rhyming, try to incorporate more than one syllable
the content was dope... felt it
structure was nice but the lines were a lil long... performin it inaudio would be difficult to do correctly, but not impossible
and spit had a point about the flow fallin off a few times
you seem more like a poet than a lyricist
but overall this is like a 7.3/10
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That shit was ill dawg...Nice concept and very nice rhymes...U coulda went further into depth, but it was still great
Check out my open mic...Mobb has caught me
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Dope piece sylentz. I thought that it had alot of description and that the imagery was real nice. The story was good and i read the whole piece.
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that shit was fucking blaze you should see my look on my face
