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~...Me vs The World...~
In this urban jugle,it's easy to lose your way
Takes your heart mind n soul to make it through the day
Cry out for help, or something... anything, to ease the pain
Just so you can rise and stand up, to your feet again
A seed of shame, can grow to be a forest of sadness
And media hype, like vultures will acknowledge your madness
At a boiling point, you can sense that trouble is stirrin'
And every passing minute just seems to double your burden
Moments of joy leave quick, when your fears erase it
Cause you just cant seem to get past all those tears you've tasted
Far from clear or basic, which makes you hate more
Fact that God didnt show you that sign you prayed for
No strength to keep fighting, no power to breathe,
No friends, no family, calling in your hour of need
All you really want, is for your own Mom ta listen
And for your self esteem to stop being non-existent
See, from a distance, problems cant be mended or healed
Out of luck you always catchin the raw end of the deal
Now the bottle is callin',take more than what you've got,to deny
And the pain killers you takin, aint what the doctor prescribed
You understand, this is real life and everyone has got flaws
But feel even Amazing Grace wont be findin this lost cause
Thoughts of ending your suffering, come frequently on many days
God can have back what he gave me, I didnt ask for it anyway...
...eNd...
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I liked this. Change the color of the font, the easier it is to read, the better chance of getting more feedback. Structure was good, flowed nicley. Had some alright vocab. The topic was nice, you went in depth with it.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175493
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yeah change the font color, the red got disturbin after a while. but ok, your structure seemed pretty decent, there was maybe 1-2 lines that seemed a bit stretched. the emotion was good in this, got detailing with your lines and creative. but i didnt see to many multis, just a few, try workin on that, it'll improve your flow alot.
Far from clear or basic, which makes you hate more
Fact that God didnt show you that sign you prayed for
^^liked those
Thoughts of ending your suffering, come frequently on many days
God can have back what he gave me, I didnt ask for it anyway...
^^those finished this well
but yeah, emotion was strong throughout the whole verse and everything, was creative. it all seemed to flow pretty good except for not having any multis but the emotion made up for that.. this was a good drop, just try workin on a few things i mentioned and it 'll make your verses alot better... keep it up!
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This was a real nice drop. It seems that the content of this was thought out pretty nice. And its good to see members with potential. This was a nice drop and I love the way this piece sounds when I read it but remember to get 2 links to other OM's that you have replyed to and post them in this thread or else this will be closed.
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
