my race

growin up in a lil hood, now livin it up in da burbs,
i've been gettin high for a minute, damn dis fuckin herb,
deez fuckin white girls (pause)
got me in love twirls (pause)
they p's don't respect me at first cause i'm mexican,
i got more balls and work than da anglo saxon americans,
dis stress makes me light up 2, like bob marley jamaicans,
my first impression is always claimed to be the best,
being professional comes easy to me, unlike the rest
i know they don't appreciate me fuckin their daughter,
but they got to understand... she loves this pussy slaughter,
it don't matter if ur brown, black, or white,
u just gotta let them see ur whole insight
if ur true to urself, ur potential is easily seen,
hittin that ring, once i hear that bell ring,
work, work, work,
yes sir, pops u know u come first,
family stregnth isn't malleable,
its stronger than the hunger of a cannibal,
like titanium,
it can break through and block any obstacle,

nice lil piece. easy wordplay but it flowed nice. good job.

thanks bro

This was ok nothing reallt grabbed the attention no punchlines or metaphors there was a decent story rhyme in there but you didnt write enough on the subject.
The structure vocab and flow needs work just try and write something longer then you'll get better and more feed.

Reply to this please.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=176403

Vocab was kinda lacking and I really wasn't sure wher your were trying to go as far as a story line. however u did show potential, and its always good to drop pieces about stuff ur actually going through, makes for the best drops. Just keep writing and u'll elevate thrpugh practice.


Return the Favor...links in the sig

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

The flows there, you could just use work in the areas of, say .. Multi's, an actual rhyme scheme and possibly your vocab. You have a voice there, and a basic grasp for storytelling - you just have to build on it. Sign into the SS league, you'll probably lose - but shit, it'll help you a lot.

There's potential there, just work at it.


Props kid.

I didn't really like this. Average rap shit. :-/

Some alright vocab in spots. Instead of pausing during those two lines, fill it with more context. You had some concepts going near the end, that you could have been more descriptive about. Work on filling your lines with context dealing with your topic.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175493

some vocab could of been better; alot better... but this is aiight, you need to keep on droping some of youre shit and dont take it to the head if plls say that is sucks and shit

hit me back... feedback on ''CHRISSPISS diss''

holla