Finding Home

"Sometimes i Feel, like a motherless Child.
A Long, long way, from Home."

Where I live, chests and heads split like sieves.
Crack is dealt, smoked, sold, and did.
Who you wit? Is a question asked to every kid,
Doing bids…is a rite of passage to a child,
Increasing his life miles. Uneven blend of frowns and smiles,
Souls defiled. A demon presence hovers in the air,
The cops don’t care. Nothing in the world appears to be fair.
Only a hair of a percent of a slice of pie, survive.
Only thing guaranteed in life is to die…death,
The subtle thief of all the blacks left…subtlety…
An odd description for such a dramatic affliction,
Conscription to the devil’s army, solidified…
Heavenly passage is forever denied…innocence,
The condition held only by infants…penance,
Can restore the original, but humanly effort is pitiful.
The residual, snowballing in intensity…the incepting
Sin awoke a sleeping demon within. The human predicament,
To our own destruction we’re a sycophant.
In media, oral, and print. We disgrace and insult ourselves…
Santa’s elves…if you understand what Santa really is…
Think deep…look at the children and you may weep…
The evil seed contained in a good deed…be good or naughty,
The devil of him is so haughty. His best creation…
Among the children to create a sensation…devastation,
Detracting attention from God, Intended defamation…
Insolence…but off topic…slightly. The evil in the world moves mightily.
Tables turned so decidedly…public opinion…we’re all minions…
But such is the nature of our existence. Continued incidents,
Until we all trip and take the longest fall……………………
Screams die out, and flesh burns away. The bones char and crumble.
But your ashes continue on. But back to this caged bird’s song.
The fat lady, she is singing, my death knell is playing in the background,
My ears hear not a sound. My eyes see not a sight…
My world has plunged into night…tonight…I lose the fight.
A deal went bad…I was going to school…
I heard the shots…but before I could move…
I was laid on the cold earth…that will serve as my hearth…
From which I was birthed, and to which I shall soon return…
The value of human worth…sand, gravel and dirt…
For years we exist and get to flirt…with the matters of flesh…
But yes…death is a guarantee…known since the beginning.
Why do we posterity, think we know better. Why do we presume authority?
To govern our own lives…like we would really design our own demise…
My thoughts are fading…I feel the blood escaping…
The hole in my chest is gaping…no one cares….
I feel the rumbles of cars passing by…my body is growing cold…
I am quickly losing my hold…Jesus…
Please…
Remember my soul…

Same sample Ghostface used?
anyways glad to see u droppin again..i'll post a reply later :thumbup:, 1luv.

Hmmm....well i will be totally honest, i liked it but it wavered many times, i liked the style u employed, at times rhyming at the end, at times using internals and at times ignoring a rhyme to both make what u didnt rhyme more impactful as well as to serve as a transition into a different topic, that worked well. However the beggining was terribly cliche and expected, if i didnt know u better i would have stopped reading within the first 5 lines and went back to PS to read another poem, didnt like that at all. Also it seemed like you had a difficult time picking up steam, the Santa stanza was a semi good idea but came too early in the poem and only served to confuse before it served to enlight. One thing i noticed is that you said that u went off topic "..slightly" which i found to be dope because it made this piece "real" in a sense to the reader, as if u were telling a story and stopped yourself like 'well that isnt that important' i do that at times and the effect was good IMO. Overall a pretty good poem, the problems were limited to the at times lack in power of the content but your word choice was superb the pace was very good and controlled, your images, though they could have been stronger, were suffice for this piece, overall very good and obviously painstakingly written, i know it seems like im passing these shits out like skittles but im nominating this one for the Feb HOF, much respect man, stay up, 1luv.