Twisted Story

TWISTED STORY

Three men enter one room with two suspicious briefcases
One races to the case, while the others keep poker faces
He opens it to check if the loot is still intact
Then sets it on a rack, with the wall to his back
then a black rat-pack arrives at the scene in a limousine
To trade the M16s, in exchange for a major stash of green
And once they seen it was clean, the deal became sealed
But someone inside squealed, with a hidden reel-to-reel
So they made him feel the steel, stabbing knives in his eyes
Cuz the size of his lies had him disguised as “one” of the guys
The stabber ran for his life, out into the bright sunlight
The boss said, "You shouldn’t bring a KNIFE to a fucking gunfight!"
He couldn’t run right, so he tripped and partially fell
And with every clip and shell, they ripped him to hell....

Then all the violence, brought the brawl to eerie silence
They said, "Why was there defiance towards these Mafia giants?"
"No compliance, no respect, now someone's stabbed in the neck,"
"The other got shot to heck, and put in check with a tech"
so, now it was two against three, in a Mafia standoff
He said, "Who will land in the sand soft? And who will vanish like Gandalf?"
"Could you really shoot MY hand off? Or put a hole in my heart?
And these were the thoughts that would pull all of 'em apart

Then the police raced in, facin' a deadly situation
Yelling, "Nobody move!" As they radio the police station
Then the gun positions change, with rapid fire exchange
In a close-combat gun battle at point blank range
One man grabbed the money and headed for the door
And he was dead on the floor, quicker then my metaphor
A cop got pistol whipped and got knocked unconscious
Stomped, like in moshpits, and taken for hostage
But bullets attracted to the cop's face like opposite magnets
He pulls a grenade pin, and blows the faggots to fragments

It's now down to three cops, verses the two Mafia rivals
No chance for survival, when up rolls a five-0
The rivals contemplate whether or not they're bold enough
And shoot a hole in the cop's skull, while he's pullin' up
He crashes into the limo, like a fender-bender
The men surrender, and get beaten till their tendons are tender
One cop checks the place, and counts the money in the case
Then he sprays the other cop in the face with a can of mace
He strangles his partner, putting his whole life in check
And says, "this is for my wife", and stabs a knife in his neck
Then he starts up the car, with the engine on fire
Then he pops the cop's head, sounding like thunder under his tire
The evil thoughts transpire, through the mind of this vampire
As he turns to the buyer, and burns him in the fire
Then he looks at all the carnage, and the bloody lunchmeat
Brings his wife all the money, and they escape the country…

aight leave sum feedback on this people!!!tell me what ya think about it

man im madd diggin ya format and your wordplay....eye friendly so i could understand it and it all flowed together... very nice piece brah...

Dope man you got great drop this one was good because of the story telling in this peice..........cant say anything bad about it...................8/10.........good description...

umm i dont see anything bad about this pretty good give you a 8/10 as well keep droppin

That wuz off da chain i give it a 9/10!!!!!

I liked that a lot... Nice story with a good twist at the end. Good length - you didn't cut your story short. Very good imagery, I could almost see the scene. Vocab wasn't amazing but it was perfect for this story - helped to make it easy to read considering the length.

If you could check out "Messiah Complex" in my sig I'd appreciate it.

Nice work.

Peace

I liked the rhyming for this. Keep developing your style. The topic was good, you were very descriptive, and you stuck with the story throughout the piece. Keep up your imagery and wordplay.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172439

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

aight here go tha links....
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172621

and LADY REDD's freestyle TEXAS!!!!!!!<

yo tight story line nikka...i liked the multies and shit in this one...rhyming concept was below wth im used to hearing from ya but it go perfect with this kinbda drop....keep da shit kumming nikka

^^^^.....UPPING THIS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and can yall leave feedback for :

A WORLD FULL OF ATTROCITY

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UPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nice shit nicca,yall can teach me some shit in OM eh lol
good use of wordplay, complexity was there,cant say nothing was wrong wid it
w0rd