R.I.P mah love

If only you were here you could understand how i need you/
look into my eyes baby tell me my love aint true/
girl you be my main boo/
we were like da bonnie and clyde,you by mah side/
and yeah you kno its true that i miss you/
what we used to do/
just to wish and hope for that i wud never see the last kiss,the last day,how could we end it in this way/
but i stray through,straight through the darkness its heartless,sometimes i wish we didnt start this,regardless of how much i love you/
but for everything its worth/
yeah it was worth it,dis love we had its almost too perfect i just hoped we cud share it,me and you/
so i sit and lean back,my mind almost snaps,i cant take all this drama ive created the monster and i realise how much my heart is bleeding it cant take it no longer/
and i prey for the day when you say to me.../
if only you were here you could understand how i need you/
........may the love we had R.I.P

http://www.rapbattles.com/forums/i'm...6#c683 8cde
http://www.rapbattles.com/forums/auto...11#c683 8cdb

can you please give me some feed back on dis...much respected,dodge,

Not that many rhymes.. an alright flow.. but it was more of like a story.. I can feel it and actually see it.. goodshit man.. give me some feedback on mine called "I'm Da Dopest".. pce out....

yeah man thats kl,il work on my rhyming bro.il holla ur stuff bk.much love.peace.

I appreciate the emotion you put in the rhymes and the concept was good, but the structure was a bit off.
Your vocab was ok but you need to work on your flow try and switch it up a bit.
Just keep writing and you'll improve.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172018

ok the bro il stick to it and try to improve,thnx,dodge

I thought this was alright, you put emotion into it which was good. The flow needed some work. You had some good ideas near the end, looks like you could write another verse, it you want to make it a more complete piece, think about doing that.

This was average but the subject matter makes it better... Emotional raps are always good because they're genuine - from the heart. Maybe if you wrote it a little longer could make it a little more like a song it'd be good. Maybe even a little imagery... I don't know it all depends on the message you wanna carry.

Nice to see another London rapper though... Keep it up... Check out "Messiah Complex" in my sig if you have time.

Peace

alrite thanks to all the cats who given me tips so far,much apreciated.yeah thats right Deviate london rappers 4 life man lol.but nah serious il hit u all back on ur rhymes.hopefully next time i do some rhymes u will all see some improvements.alrite well i best start rating all yah.much love.dodge.