My Savior

the sun glares across the forsaken sky wit people walkin tha streets not knowing that they can at any time die the world is corrupted wit people that kill steal and lie as just as the days of the world go by and by the foolishness and sin of all tha people the closest they'll see to heaven is the top of a church steaple The partakers of this world are just playerz in tha game until judgement day comes and they are caught in their shame i havent done anything wrong they'll claim as they kneel down infront of their savior and try to take away their blame lies dont pass through god so easy them sinnerz beggin for mercy are just sleazy but god gives his mercy as the souls of many yell out "save me" the devil watches over the sinnerz and says wit a plea " they do not deserve to go to heaven becuz they are dirty with sin" but god protected u before the trial even begins the devil just wants to tear us limb from limb but the futures of the unsaved are very grim there happy eternal life chances seem very slim but wit god on your side all dat can spin this verse is a dedication to one of the dedicationless and he's the only one that can actually bless us

i felt the emotion and u used decent vocab. i liked the concept and all.
the problem was your structure. fix it and get them lines evened up.

thanx man

werk on yo structure and youll have it done bro,tight flow and rhyming concept,felt yo emotion dawg

yeah man tight drop good job
i liked this piece good emotion and all....
just structure man an this woulda been a lot better
hit up my OM called "Lost"
thansk man peace

I think that you could work on structure and vocab and then work on imagery and details take it step by step..

yo that good man hit up some of my battles and keep cooming up with new shit

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.