-
Simons Last..
Simon sits in an office hoping for tragedy..
His wife has left him saying "he was bad to me"..
Unaware of this until he was home ward bound..
Simon reaches the dark kitchen and a letter was found..
He reads the fine print as a gentle tear roll down his cheek..
Simon whispers the words sorry and his soul becomes bleek..
Knowing Helen had found out about the girl..
He spots Helens wedding ring and a necklace of pearl..
The greatest chapter in his life was ruined by him..
Simon grabs a bottle of Souther Comfort.. The light are dim..
Hoping that he can drink away his sorrow..
The pain will still be there with a headache tomorrow..
As Simon calls Stella letting her know that they're over..
He tells her that he doesnt want to see her.. His life moves slower..
Simon has no children and realizes that he has failed..
More tears grace his cheeks and he becomes pale..
If only I hadnt done the things that I have..
Helen and I would be sitting here enjoying a good laugh..
Its almost monday and I have to go back to that office..
Where the companys future lays on the shoulders of a novice..
I'm going to lose everything I have.. Which isnt much..
I will only lose my stock and all my money and such..
Monday rolls around an it has been along weekend..
I lost my wife Helen and my cheating G friend..
What was next to grace lovely my day..
It happened to be "Larry Strand" and he happened to say..
"Your fired!. I know it may come as a shock"..
"The company is pulling dead weight.. You name was on the gridlock"..
"I'm sorry my dear friend please you have until 4:30 to leave"..
So I sat up with ease and shock the pricks sweaty hand..
"I'm sorry we have to let you go it wasnt part of my plan"..
I said.. No problem your only helping me out..
Literally thats what this companys about..
I told him good day and I'll see you soon..
The bell went off and it was only noon..
Simons Last Thoughts..
I didnt bother packing any of my worthless shit..
I had a couple of pictures that I had to hit..
I looked out of my 65 storie window and asked whats left..
I answered.. Become old and lonesome and then death..
I had a feeling and I opened the window..
I remember looking in the mirror and thought some day..
Then I took my last leap at fate on a monday..
-
-
I crazy liked this, seriously you didn't use over expressive language to make yourself sound smarter than you really are, and you used the right amount of grammar, to keep this piece of a decent complexity, but still a nice read. This piece flowed nicely to when I read it, and about the only advice I might be able to give is to possibly even out the structure a little bit. Your imagery was there and this story came to in my mind, which makes this a more of an exceptional read for me.
Good job.
-
This was a very good peice man. The emotion was leveled throughout and it really made the reader feel for simon. Good imagery and meter, this really captured the reader. Very simple yet outstanding, that is something not seen often here on RB. You made good use of the strucutre and the scheme. I really enjoyed this, as I can relate to much of it. I thought the closer could have been given more attention but it didn't hurt anything. Great job man...
-Bounce
-
Thanks for the feedback..
Leave links and I will leave return the favor.
-
I liked this alot. Good story telling and imagery. I didn't like your flow though..your lack of multi's really slowed the verse down. Other than that i found this to be an excellent piece, not much to say but good work. stay up bro
-
damn damn damn poor poor simon...i was feelin this on tha reals it was hot i liked the flow of it and you did wonderful b/c i read the whole thing lol nah but all in all it was a great drop lookin fo some mo of ya work
-
Thanks holly and thugg P..
