last words

Dark damp dreary nights consume my conscious
patters of raindrops disturb my thought process
im thoughtless in my content but remain content
pent home alone searching for what’s significant
traffic traverses and transposes vibrant sounds
swirling noise from vehicles homebound surround
lying down wind chills through an open window
cool calms the fire, oppresses hell and lets sin go
relax in a state of numb hanging a dried tongue
im fetal for poisonous needles, so I succumb
the elastic arm band strangles my weary veins
vain in the way I prick my line inflicting pain
distain stains my name as liquid dope infiltrates
make no move, and wait for fates place to take
mistakes are made and this is my worst and last
singing out this is Joh----------(pulse went flat)

tight piece, had a real poetic sound to it,but it had tha om sound as well, good multis, nice wordplay, nice imagery and complexity, all in all i thought this piece was ill, keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

Nice flow, structure, vocab. Imagery was off by a long shot though, at times I had to go back just to see what I just read. It was more of an abstract piece, and an excellent one...I just like to see more pieces that tell stories...just my taste.
However for an abstract work...
8.5/10 nice piece

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=171017

i dont think you completely understood it then anemia. becuase there was a piece of imagery in almost every line. in the first two lines you already know what the weather and climate are like. there was imagery everywhere in this. i know its not great but it is pretty decent for an 8 minute key which it was. thank you for the feedback though. up

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

i liked it it was pretty good you had good structure and good vocab and for 8 min it wasnt bad just keep writing and yuo will keep elevating ill give it a 8.5/10


keep writing and keep up good work.

Nice spit man, wouldn't have minded it if it was a little longer but the topic was tight and u did a good job with vocab. Had a little poetic feel to it. Liked it though.