true poet

Link:http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...86#post2064386
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...00#post2064400

shades of death r all i see, fragments of what used to be lay before me, struggling to find what the meaning of life should be, the meaning of a verse or even an MC, why do we write? y do we continue to use words to express our feelings of might? maybe for the respect or the spotlight. to get the one single minute in the limelight. for the second ur in the the limelight, thats when u struggle to get ur rhyme right, and he doesn't stop when he doesn't know it, but freestyles and makes himself sound like a true poet. some people r stronger than u know it, and they show it by writin in these little boxes for days at a time, they do it so much that they leave people dazed at a rhyme, this happens almost all the time, they're so stunned u could hear the drop of a dime, the frown of a mime, standin there like they just witnessed a crime, these are what true poets go through, writtin in this thread r rhymes a few poets couldn't say no to.

shoot come on guys i need some help with this.....

Decent verse but I'm not getting a feeling from this. The lines were streched and I wasnt vibin with it that much at all. But get you links in.

damn come on now how am i supose to get better if yall don't write nothi to me......

shades of death r all i see
fragments of what used to be lay before me
struggling to find what the meaning of life should be
the meaning of a verse or even an MC
why do we write?
y do we continue to use words to express our feelings of might?
maybe for the respect or the spotlight.
to get the one single minute in the limelight.
for the second ur in the the limelight
thats when u struggle to get ur rhyme right
and he doesn't stop when he doesn't know it
but freestyles and makes himself sound like a true poet.
some people r stronger than u know it
and they show it by writin in these little boxes for days at a time
they do it so much that they leave people dazed at a rhyme
this happens almost all the time
they're so stunned u could hear the drop of a dime
the frown of a mime
standin there like they just witnessed a crime
these are what true poets go through
writtin in this thread r rhymes a few poets couldn't say no to.



^ thats a better way to structure ya stuff, so it looks like more of a open mic or poem piece and not a paragraph, flow of it is decent, vocab isnt too bad, but its kind of simplistic and the emotion is pretty good......try and go a bit more in depth with ya writing.

This was a decent verse but it needs improvement.
Try and structure your bars better try and keep them to the same length.
Your vocab is okay but try to mix more emotional words in2 your rhymes.
The flow was average but the more you write the more you'll learn the more you'll improve.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170524

uppin...........................................#3