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beautiful day
it started off, a beautiful day in the neighborhood
birds singing, dealers all slinging the way they should
you hear the alarm, and you roll outta bed
grab ya phat farms and a rag for ya head
scoop up the burner and a handful of lead
but hope you don't need it, already too many dead
now you step outside and the light hits your eyes
so your shades cut the glare and provide a disguise
and you offer a prayer, to the tropical skies
cuz your fully aware, you may not get back inside
wearin ya brim low you start to walk to the park
gangsta stroll slow, head for the usual spot
look for the rock, it's the usual drop
but there's a hole in the plot, and unusual cop
grab the brown bag, try to stuff it in your back-pack
but here comes the officer, he wants to search the knap-sack
but just then, as he opens up the crack bag
off in the distance, you hear the sound of a gat crack
and that's that, he has a slug in his spine
cut down in his prime by ya homie from behind
what was he thinking, when he pulled out his nine
now you check his vital signs pray to got he's alive
but it's not looking good, cuz you can't find his pulse
and he's starting to bleed, from the side of his mouth
now you're ready to leave, but your homeboy's no help
already turned around, screamed "THUG LIFE" and peaced out
so you're feelin abandoned, like nobody's got your back
as ou sit with a dead pig, some crack and a gat
they're on all sides now, it looks like your trapped
then things go to hell, as you reach for your strap
now there's no turning back, things are starting to go black
and it's impossible to tell who even made the first attack
if you could backtrack, and rewind ya life back
when you woke up this morning, would you still bring the mac???
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165253
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166382
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This had good flow. You went into detail, and developed the story. It was pretty emotional, although I thought you could have closed it better. Line length was nice, could have edited some to straighten it out.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531
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You know im betting you used those links before since both those links are from pieces you posted in over 2 weeks ago.
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yeah, but i'm pretty active at giving feedback, i just don't save all the links. i'll get more i guess, give me a sec
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Real nice shit, man...
Normally I hate gangsta shit but you managed to lay down an ill flow and, at the same time, relate an entertaining story that wasn't about being hard...
It was about wrong place/wrong time type of shit.
The twist about your friend was cool, too...
And how you portrayed your character by giving him character...staying with the shot cop, not running away like a "I don't give a fuck" wannabe hood.
This was good, real good, real nice to see actual emotion and regret in one of these.
And not just over one of ya "boyz"...over some shit that matters.
Props! :thumbup:
Peace
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Real nice look into an average day of a gangsta in the hood...........it shows that you had a sensitive side with a consience that felt bad for the cop that was shot.......gangsters have feelings too............good ending.......it makes you kinda wonder like when someone asks you the question "If you knew then what you know now"...............i like that it gets my mind going...............good description plus i liked how you interpreted the twists in this peice............i actually cant say anything bad about this peice.........maybe you should make the ending more dramatic.....you know like have shoot out with th police or try and drag the cop somewhere to get help....you know, extend it this is a great story.......but keep that same question as the closer.........
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thanx for the feeds yo. and in the end the cops do come, and there's a shoot-out, but i guess i didn't make it real clear.
they're on all sides now, it looks like your trapped
then things go to hell, as you reach for your strap
the cops surround him, and the fight or flight instinct kicks in, the kid figures he's gonna get blamed for killing the cop anyways so he starts shooting back. but that's my bad for not being descriptive enough
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thanx for the feed, i like this one..it showed another side to something people think is only one sided if that makes sense or w/e -but i like the structure, it sounded good when i flowed it, i think you kinda gave up a little at the end, with what u were talking about it sorta went off somewhere else when i read it..but nice tho peace
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ill piece, i loved the ending, tight opener, tight wordplay, nice vocab, beautiful imagery, good structure, i liked tha rhyme scheme too, all in all this piece was ill.keep droppin tha hotness.~1~
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thanx, nice feeds to all, uppin for more
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yo i liked ur piece a lot....i usually don't like this kind of stuff with all these ganstas and shit....but i thought it was really good....my favorite part was the ending, i didn't find to much wrong with ur strong verse......
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up for two more, then i'll let it rest
