sumthin that hit me

this is jus sumthin that hit me...i need sum advice on it...lemme know what u think...post on here...


it ain't nothin for me to stand up and see
how many motherfuckin emcees wanna come up against me
cuz im the one bringin the heat
every motherfucker swingin at me
but im three feet so they aint even hittin me
only on who's hittin is me hittin these beats
please....y'all thought i was forgettin 'bout me hittin the weed
drug addict, yeah!
i be hittin the trees
jus give me a few more hits and we'll see which side i be on
yeah, fuck the po-lice
i'm gnome, i'm stoned
ain't nobody fuckin with me
just gotta stand up and be seen
with my middle finger up so everybody can see
dont give a fuck if u be hot for or against me
dead or alive i'll still be the shortest MC with the biggest voice
i'm just like the disease HIV, you can't prevent me
but it's just me, who else would it be?
would else would you see doped up on weed?
or have an IV ready for me 'case I go and OD?
go in a coma and freeze
hey look! it's me!
take a picture, say cheese!
ooooh......yo....ha, ha

2 links or this gets closed, Thanks.

links:

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...15#post2052715

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...31#post2052731

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dope_emcee_420

this is jus sumthin that hit me...i need sum advice on it...lemme know what u think...post on here...


it ain't nothin for me to stand up and see
how many motherfuckin emcees wanna come up against me
cuz im the one bringin the heat
every motherfucker swingin at me
but im three feet so they aint even hittin me
only on who's hittin is me hittin these beats
please....y'all thought i was forgettin 'bout me hittin the weed
drug addict, yeah!
i be hittin the trees
jus give me a few more hits and we'll see which side i be on
yeah, fuck the po-lice
i'm gnome, i'm stoned
ain't nobody fuckin with me
just gotta stand up and be seen
with my middle finger up so everybody can see
dont give a fuck if u be hot for or against me
dead or alive i'll still be the shortest MC with the biggest voice
i'm just like the disease HIV, you can't prevent me
but it's just me, who else would it be?
would else would you see doped up on weed?
or have an IV ready for me 'case I go and OD?
go in a coma and freeze
hey look! it's me!
take a picture, say cheese!
ooooh......yo....ha, ha

---

in my oppinion you coulda had a lil t more rhymes to it but that just me other than that it had good struster and a good flow to i think you could do a lot better with a lil more practice over all i liked it but it kinda sounded like eminem... and it was a lil short i would prolly rate this a 5/10 but thats just my oppinion, peace

thanx....i need more suggesstions and shit....com on peeple.....gimme sum thoughts on this

yo decent drop but you need to work on these:

use more complex rhyming werds
place multies in your lines to make it sound better
lign up your lines into bars
and dont strech yo lines toomuch

otha than that i think it ws a decent drop.....6/10....just keep elevating dawg and youll get it

Definitely try and edit lines to be more uniform. It seemed like you switched your flow. You attempted some wordplay, with the HIV line, keep that up. Try and prevent stretched lines by getting to the rhyme quicker.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168531

flow was good and bad a times,
simple drop; read some more open mics and structure your verses more,
not the best of drops but a little more improvement you'll be better

This was decent but you need to work on a few things.
The structure of ya bars try and keep em to the same length.
The flow on this was nice in parts but try to flip it around so it dont get repetitive.
But you had one or two nice punches in there so try and come with some harder punches.
Overall a decent drop.

Hit this up.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169972

This needs much work, as a matter of fact I'd toss it out and start fresh. This was not very good in any sense, sure it rhymed, but the scheme was horrible. It was way too repetative and you rhymed words like me to death. That is not the way to turn heads man. You need to format your structure to compliment your drop, simplistic rhyme scheme needs elevation, you need to master the use of imagery and emotion in your writes. A standard hip hop verse is comprised of sixteen bars, add soem complexity into your rhymes, make the reader feel something. Basically you need some work on all areas.

That was straight, stay up son. keep doin ya thang.

You need to use more rhyming words, even out yo lines, and don't stretch them out to much. Personally I believe this should go into freestyle or somethin because this doesn't sound like a song. 5/10, keep droppin.

thanx 4 advice...i appreciate it y'all...sum other thoughts on this hit me recently, i'll try to come up wit somethin different on it...maybe change a bit here and there...thanx again