Like Water for Chocolate

This is NOT the full song, i still got two more verses to make.


verse 1:
Domino theory takes place, extant dollar diplomacy,
Suffercation like aids trapped in a hooker's ovaries,
Knife to his neck, my eyes get bloody in swift pace,
Cuz the devil just slit jesus' throat in front of my face,
They smeared shit on my door, and gave me a letter,
Death threat, best bet, i'm a mouse without cheddar,
Phyco babysitter, throat slitter, my tears never died,
Cuz the tsunami disaster occured, right after i cried,
No more visits to the towers, blown like a gassed tush,
I'm wearen an osama shirt, right in front of george bush,
Ur terms are false, like mafia's mixing fear and respect,
And insinuating myself, just made adolph hitler ressurect,
I'm a minority, but the majority of my history is in a cell,
Ever seen sluts sniff coke off dicks? then welcome to hell,
My friends say i'm ignorant, retarted and fucken crazy,
Just cuz i think immortal technique's a bit better than jay-z,

Hook:
I have been thru the snow, i have been thru the rain,
I have been thru the desert, crying tears of pain,
Combination lost, you faggots should stop locken lips,
Cuz ur balloon's surrounded by needles, stop poppin shit,
Stop robbin kids, stop caughen cuz my cock is sick,
It's like masturbating to the bible, i'm in the apocalypse,
Get drafted, rip heads off, or just do the opposite,
Either way we'll all suffer like water for chocolate,

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169551
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...22#post2050322

Lol man this was dope in other words excellent..i loved the wordplay the exact references and your contrast then compares were right on point man one verse is like a 10/10 cant wait for the rest....

^Yeah.

I really liked it. I hope the other 2 verses are as good. I really like the title too. There was really good flow in this and it was pretty deep, yep.

...Like Water For Chocolate, hmm...

Nice piece.

Yo diz shit was off tha chain!!!!!! Givin u your props on that. I like the wordplay and the way it flow. Your compare/contrast was also good. You did a very good job 10/10 I wouldnt' change a damn thing

Yo can i get some feed on crying angel in poetry plz

Gonna have to aggree with the rest of crowd....... DOPE!!!
Wordplay was off tha hizzle!!! You have a talent no doubt dawg.

I'm wearen an osama shirt, right in front of george bush,

^^lol, nice line

plenty of wordplay in there, but didnt really like some of it, like the snort coke line, dont really see the need in that sorta line, but thats just my opinion, also the hook seems long, but id like to see the other verses, then hear how your flow n shit...

keep workin

thx for the feed back everyone.
well the snort coke line was basically saying that shit like that actually happens where i live and how crazy the world can be. and the hook takes 21 seconds to spit on audio, so i find it normal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by -Moe-

the hook takes 21 seconds to spit on audio, so i find it normal.

---

^^lol, bit touchy aint you?

lol, it's always been like that, hooks/chorus' are usually 20-22 seconds, i notice these kind of things.

that was crazy man.....i mean religious stuff is a little touchy nowadays...i did like the part u talked about stop caughin cuz my cock is sick....thas nice...good job

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by -Moe-

This is NOT the full song, i still got two more verses to make.


verse 1:
Domino theory takes place, extant dollar diplomacy,
Suffercation like aids trapped in a hooker's ovaries,
Knife to his neck, my eyes get bloody in swift pace,
Cuz the devil just slit jesus' throat in front of my face,
They smeared shit on my door, and gave me a letter,
Death threat, best bet, i'm a mouse without cheddar,
Phyco babysitter, throat slitter, my tears never died,
Cuz the tsunami disaster occured, right after i cried,
No more visits to the towers, blown like a gassed tush,
I'm wearen an osama shirt, right in front of george bush,
Ur terms are false, like mafia's mixing fear and respect,
And insinuating myself, just made adolph hitler ressurect,
I'm a minority, but the majority of my history is in a cell,
Ever seen sluts sniff coke off dicks? then welcome to hell,
My friends say i'm ignorant, retarted and fucken crazy,
Just cuz i think immortal technique's a bit better than jay-z,

Hook:
I have been thru the snow, i have been thru the rain,
I have been thru the desert, crying tears of pain,
Combination lost, you faggots should stop locken lips,
Cuz ur balloon's surrounded by needles, stop poppin shit,
Stop robbin kids, stop caughen cuz my cock is sick,
It's like masturbating to the bible, i'm in the apocalypse,
Get drafted, rip heads off, or just do the opposite,
Either way we'll all suffer like water for chocolate,

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=169551
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...22#post2050322

---

nice structure like the flow to it keep it up, peace

it was good.
hook nice

but this probably be better on audio

title was a little abstract.....but suited the piece perfectly....excellent wording and vocab....your wordplay was aight....liked the hook....

word to the " osama t-shirt " line.....that cracked me up man !!

good piece...enjoyable read....keep em coming dawg !!!

thx for the feedback....this willl be the last time this gets uppined.
in other words...i'd like more feedback thx.

Nice i liked the way this peice flwed and how it gave a somewhat bizzarr yet humorous approach to the issues..............reminds me of the devils night album from d-12.......moe your style reminds of eminem before he fell off..........you have the same feel he did on his first couple of albums............wich is really good............ill be lookin forward to then next couple of verses and i hope to one day hear this on audio......pz.
I woul nominate this peaice too but i just nominated your letter to god so i dont wanna seem like too much of a d/r.............
but this is to anyone else that reads it.......
nominate this shit!!!!!!!!!!