An awakening...

My flesh invaded by jacketed lead core
Living color spills onto a canvas of war
Bits of fragmented me shower the scene
Clean-up men couldn’t scourer it clean

Ghetto floors toast with a vampire’s lust
Frenzied palates thirst as nuts go to bust
Ancestry pours whilst young thoughts ooze
Emptied minds collect in gutters, my muse

Deadly shrapnel within the tissues of kin
Families are torn by the impurities of skin
Conflict’s confined deep in a convicts mind
Sentenced to death just one breath at a time

Can you hear the chants of an ancient soul?
Damned entities out on weeping patrols
Tongues of a million slain echo in my ears
No measure of fame will ever tame my fears

The concrete’s alive, saturated by lives leaked
Beneath the feet of victims past & eyes blinked
Attrition thrives when society pays it no mind
Rewind time to witness crimes no jury can fine

Stitched into the fabric that joins time & space
Is the very thread sewn into the human race
Disgrace the keepers of old like Cortez for gold
& you’ll drown in the shallow pond of your mold

Breeched by the angry flight of projectiles at night
Despite breath I fight to recite the prayer of last rite
Finally free from the worldly shackles that bind me
My eyes open to a world that no longer blinds me

To be continued…



-Bounce

Replied to mind full of demons and conscience poetry...

yo this was nice to me...i like your structure and the way how u switched up your wordplay...that was tight...your vocab was nice too along wit the rhymes...u really dont have nothin to improve so keep it up dogg...nice drop

Excellent use of metaphor I was really impressed... Nice imagery and unsurprisingly practically flawless flow and syllable use... I like the way this is being told in more than one part - seems to be the theme at the moment common in a few raps. What really blew me away was the way you practically told an entire story in metaphor and simile allowing the reader to fill in the gaps and visualize the story.

This is the sort of thing I aspire too..

Peace and thanks for the nice feedback on 'The Truth'

^ Yeah, if you liked this type of thing you should look up some of my older drops, I don't post much on here, but in the past I did. Check out the legends forum, OM or Poetry, I have a few pieces in there you might want to peep. Thanks for taking the time man. Good luck and if you need and advice feel free to ask.

-bounce

not fucking bad bounce. Everything about this was pro, well maybe cept for the imagery, if this was meant to have it. The flow was just as pure as it can get, i really wish u would post more shit in here, just for the inspiration lol. WEll, that's all I gotta say, keep em comin man.

Good one bounce.. thumbs up.


I liked the first two paragraphs the best. Set up the whole verse.
Good structure, everything seemed right on key and read well to a
beat i was listening to. Blah Blah

Whole Verse could be quoted and praised.

You said you don't post as much anymore........so change.

Thanks all...

going back in time...

That... Up there... Was one of my first posts ever

Dope flow . imagery was great .

your structure is also great .

Vocab was decent, for the time it was written .

Seem's at the date, that you were great back then .

Stay up homie . . good shit .

"Vocab was decent, for the time it was written ."-WTF?!?!?!?! did someone during the last three months invented a huge amount of words?And great vocabulary since three months ago it's now decent?!

anyway...the structure made the piece easier to read,thus easier to be understood better.the imagery was great man...i really like the way you use metaphors,and to many you give them a "darker aura";those type of metaphors i like the most myself so they only made me like this piece more.in all the pieces i read from you you have a very nice rhymescheme...always is far from conventional.the vocabulary was good(surely not decent) and i like your word choice...you are a very good writer Bounce.props...keep it up!

forgot to tell you that the piece and topic were dope.
*i thought i wrote that :huh:*

Nice shit, my man...

Great flow...great message behind it...

Also, very good descriptions of war, bloodletting...nice.

However, my man...

Your format was different, more of a basic 1-1, 2-2...
And it stayed pretty simple till towards the end until ya went 1-1, 1-1.

Also, I hate to say it...but I've seen you drop much more complex pieces...
More thought provoking and...
I've seen ya rhyme schemes flow with more...how should I say it...
Intensity? Well...maybe the description should be...
Less obvious. In this one, the rhymes were pretty obvious.

Not that that's bad, man...just isn't your usual style.
Neither is being so forthcoming with your meaning...
Normally I have to go smoke a doob and ponder your work before I totally get it.
That wasn't the case with this one...

Nonetheless, I'm awaiting the second part...did ya ever drop it?

wasnt feelin a flow here but i know u got one for sho and liked ur lines and tha rhymes were mad catchy 4real man good job overall verse rate- 8.0/10

Conflict’s confined deep in a convicts mind
Sentenced to death just one breath at a time

Tongues of a million slain echo in my ears
No measure of fame will ever tame my fears


Stitched into the fabric that joins time & space
Is the very thread sewn into the human race

3 bars that stood out to me.

nice peice.