Dying Inside

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February 1st, 2005, 11:30 PM
p O e T i Q u E

Dying Inside

I'm suffocating
Like a plastic bag surrounding my head not allowing me to breathe
The world smothers me with helplessness defeat

I'm paralized
Like a loss of feeling or control in the muscle
I'm stuck in the past, Fell back in the hustle

I'm losing
Like a basketball team only defeated by two
I'm not far behind and yet still can't break through

I'm hurting
Like someone falling and breaking a bone
My soul is in despair from being alone

I'm hallucinating
Like having a vision of something that doesn't exist
I feel like I'm happy, yet the feeling's quickly dismissed

I'm acting
Like a child faking sickness to avoid a test
My never-ending smile hides that i'm depressed

I'm dying
Like a mother deceased leaving a daughter to cry
I'm dying inside and no one cared why
February 2nd, 2005, 02:22 AM
Laureate

I thought this was pretty simple, however I did like the basketball metaphor the most...I liked how you made it seem like winning was so close.....Set up and the way you structured this piece was nice I thought....imagry was meh, and your emotion was up and down...keep droppin
February 2nd, 2005, 02:34 AM
DiZtuUrBed VoKal

yo, wuz sizzlin this was a good piece but my opinion is it should be in the poetry area because this wasnt a verse/rap...but it was nice..next time lets see how good you really are and drop something even deeper
February 2nd, 2005, 02:41 AM
Mistral

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
February 2nd, 2005, 07:05 AM
p O e T i Q u E

ayo yea its in poetry but my lil homey said i should try it in open mic.... http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168633

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168832
February 2nd, 2005, 08:58 AM
warchild

I was feeling this piece i like the way you structured the verse out.
The structure was good, your vocab was decent but could be improved, your flow was average but the emotion and feeling in the rhymes shined through to me. Overall a really short nice verse.

Return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168868
February 2nd, 2005, 11:29 AM
sick thoughtz

this was hot i enjoyed this one you took a different approach this time nice nice job holla back
February 2nd, 2005, 12:01 PM
Genetic Carnage

It definetly got a message across but that piece is more poetic then a rap. Post this in the poetry section.
February 2nd, 2005, 08:21 PM
p O e T i Q u E

did that but thanx uppin more feed
February 3rd, 2005, 06:38 AM
tjesus

i liked it..sounds orig...work it into a beat should sound good..
check out my flow in cypher,4th page on prop yorself..
id make a link if i could work dis shit out.....peace out.
February 3rd, 2005, 06:46 AM
p O e T i Q u E

read it, shit was hot fa real.