Demonz in Me (holla at cha BOI)

I can light up a whole stage with my lifes radiance im not faking it some people might be mistaken me for a shallow asshole who thinks satans a fake

but when u get a big serving of temptation on your plate to succeed with a side of greed who is the fake racing to benjamin's face like he's an idle of something great like a steak to someone who is famished

it's hazardous like cancer of ur emotions when nobody hoping for u to get out of the shit whole that u live you call home your all alone but u keep going on cuz the only 1 u got is yourself the only peson u can rely on 4 help is the one that can make it possible to have wealth

but these obsticales have been killing my sensitivity somebody should start being nice to me cuz i am for all humanity no matter the color or creed cuz what would it hurt

but they work my nerves to where all i wonna do is fight and curse these urges get worse i wonna grab a knife and make blood splirt on my shirt go bezerk on the next jerk that flirts with my patience

im stating this cuz im pissed and need to shift from anger to bliss without indangering your kid or the neighborhood you live in

bells of insanity are ringing in my head even when im in bed i wake up and can't remember a thing from when i was dreaming but in the back of my memory it seems these dreams are frightening like society went on a giant riot children are crying men r loosing there wives i don't know whether i'm gonna live or die

my life expectansy is under 30 it hurts me to know that i can't even feel emotional pain but the realness remains i stay the same reigning these caring sometimes scary messages every second i step to the mic i like the way i feel after collaberating hate and frustration onto a blatan statement slaying the demonz in me

the keep coming back but i got heavy artillary some come and mess with me i gotta uzi of anger in me i can pull the trigga and leave the demonz stiff like my erict dick when a hoe is licking it

im the real game ur just a scrimige so foccussed on an image i would give my reputation for a world wide realization that u can't judge based upon a race,face, or the place where a person was raised in but the way they

communicate with other human beings im seeing more hataz being generated than makaz of there own dream and believe in there doings and keep moving

in the mobile of life until the gas tank runs dry bank ain't a problem when u get high off of life

but i still need Maryjane to going so my life won't be so overflowing with problems i don't wonna deal with this song is something u put on when u wonna concur your demonz i believe i accomplished what i needed to with this i hope u enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!

good script...it was hard to follow without text breaks...storyline seems common to me...have to go way back to see the truth....crowd pleaser rap..............peace.

hmm, break this down into bars and lines and shit and it would make this peice alot easier to read. neway for the most part i enjoyed the concept, the ideas put forth were cool for the most part. your flow seemed like it stayed pretty smooth but i did catch a few spots were you seemed to have fallen off a little. Thats cool though, neway this peice was cool for what its worth, just put it into bars...

neway keep droppin str8 heat

Peace...

thanks for the tip i did that 2 neway thanks for the props imma stay hot Peace!!!!!

now tony fresh, were do i start with this, as the mayne above what u said, the lines look like its a story line, really doesnt look like a rap, now as far as that goes, the story line was perfect A+ on that, but to try and rap this its a downfall to 2-, it doesnt really sound as good to a rao until u edit it and fix the problem, i think that people would notice this drop if they understood what u wur trying to prove, but back to that, good story line but u fell off track in a few places but ten u made up for ur mistakes in this peace. real good werk Keep dropping and you will elevate,
Holla *BOY WONDER*

boy wonder who r u if u show me ur better than me then i will take ur advice but until then fuck u!!!!!!!!
and 2nd that was rap from the fucking heart unlike some rappers that just drop shit to drop it everything i say i mean it and will stick by it no matter how big the hata makez him or herself seem cuz they aren't even my worries i just don't like them if u gotta problem with my style or anybody elses like it take it up with rap not me this is fair warning to u and anybody else who thinks i ain't rapping and it is a story it's something that underground rapperz do something that a punk bitch won't understand it's 2 advanced for u i guess cuz ur not used to it cuz it's fresh unlike some played out styles that i here a lot

I enjoyed this and the concept and everything but it could have been easier to read all in all i liked it keep up the work...

Tony, its constructive critisism just shut the fuck up. If you want feed back, then take it like you mean it.

Shit was aight but like the others said there wasn't any section breaks.
Your flow was messed up in some places but it was alright.
7/10