a night on the town

i've envied y'all
on an occasion or two;
it's part lust, when my heart's just
emblazoned in blues.
facing the news
that they'll be staying together -
i'm basically glued
to the screen,
where i pray for the weather . .
it’ll rain , i assume
for those of you who say, a name or perfume
are hot & enough:
why settle for another made-up face,
with washed jeans & uggs?
‘this cock must be smug’ –
if i don't settle for less;
well,
nothing less interests me,
so why should imettle in sex. . ?
with a devilish ex
who brings my ponders to sight
&, one foot out the door, has me asking
“why squander a night?”
a lobster & rice
later. . I just apolo-jetted
sweating bullets all night,
didn’t know the wallet’d catch it. .
i polish my rep when,
we try to make overzealous amends;
hoping the dollars I spent can
influence what she tells all her friends
embellishing then,
i decide to finish the night clean
selling my ends, i tell her,
“i've never seen eyes twinkle so nicely.”

except for last summer. .

This was really simple... you need ALOT of work with structure n flow.. some lines were like 2 words, then the next was 10-15. keep workin on that..no multis, not much creativity... keep droppin shit n you'll elevate in time...but i wasnt really feelin this..

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

i thought this was tight, the trend around the sight lately has been to hate on everything that's not deep, but i was really feeling your flow. it reminded me of lloyd banks. my only suggestion is if you're gonna write like this maybe some harder punchlines. elevate, pz

Yeah, I thought it was iight...I would say seperate your bars better so the board understands...

I thought it was decent! could use a lil' work! but iight......

If you're gonna put in short lines, stick with it. The longer ones messed up the flow. The way you put the lines was kinda hard to follow. Work on structure.

I seriously hope u aint really in ur 40's.

Not exactly sure why, but I liked it.

not too bad...your structure was the main thing that was fucked up in this....you need some more multis i think...other than that not bad..keep droppin...and elevatin.~1`

This piece was ok....It had some good rhymes and da wordplay and vocab were pretty good...Da only probmles were those and ya structure....You have to choose how long you want your lines so you can read it clearly.....

Don't up old pieces please Queen. Closed.