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The Nazi Suicide Note
SS Battle Verse - Needs Critique
The Nazi Suicide Note
My legacy has ended,by the way of a German gun blast...
Suicide, people will mourn, but my bequest will last...
Not in my death but in the immortal scars I have left...
Many wives and children have wept, when enemies fled...
Allied conquests have conquered in their frantic attempts...
Germany falls into the hands of allies as so forth hence...
My power relents and this steel is my proceeding destiny...
An unmatched epitome of tyranny that dictators will envy...
I've evolved into an entity, repent me, begin to respect...
As those Germans who surrender are traitors who defect...
Reflect on my image and as a triumphant public speaker...
Ponder on my death as if I was a politician or a preacher...
even against the allies, would I have been world leader...
equally Germany falls as this is in the hands of the reader...
In Love of my country, My beliefs and the grief I've spread...
For all those Nazi believers, and the Germans who now lay dead...
They've earned my respect, dying against my side splinter...
That allies defeated me, suicide's my escape... signed...A.Hitler
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You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.
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This was an original idea, I've never seen many things like this before.
You had good vocabulary, but at times I found it hard to read.
Some of your lines flowed with ease, while others especially the last lines seemd forced to me.
But overall, this was a good drop, nice work.
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good but not realistic...think about it....pz
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Not realistic? What the fuck? It's a verse, why does it have to be realistic? And, it was realistic, that's what happened.
Good verse.
I read your topic for the SS. I'm surprised anyone is joinging now. You get no play. There's like set guides to exactly what your verse is about. Wack.
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Its a good verse and its on topic as well.....good vocab rhyme scheme seemed a bit weird but thats prolly cuz of your accent...and structure was good may be just me but the flow seemed a bit off but nothing major and everything else....perfecto my firend..did u win the battle with this..hmm...
*runs to SS to vote on others battles*
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is it realistic that Hitler woulda said some like that?....most unlikely but hey ur a fruit...
sorry for clogging ya thread Cee....gone
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Why does it have to realistic? He was writing to a topic, but obviously you don't know what that is yet.
It was a good verse, and considering how shitty the topic was and how many guidelines it had. So, good work bud. Don't listen to "realistic" dude over here. If everyone followed those principles, writing itself would be dead.
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I read this already in SS. Nice verse. Bit short, but it was okay considering it was written quickly. Simple approach to the topic, but it was a shitty topic anyway. You're doing a nice job repping the crew, keep at it.
Give this a read, if you would:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=165013
- Thanks.
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able said:
"And, it was realistic, that's what happened."
no more comment...pz
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bleh another one I read for SS today
the guidelines again give no one any
freedom at all to be creative like your
supposed to be when you write...
and Mr. Realistic STFU you dumb herb
your not supposed to be realistic when your
writing it's called being creative! Dicknose
Nice verse for such a short line limit and
imagery you need to put more into that
section of your writing in my point of view
but nice job none the least...
check out my new OM
What the Problem Is?
it wus a quick 15 min or less key
-SyaNidal
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Bounce...
Thanks for the reps people, even those ones which were just arguing with the guy above... lol... Glad to see my verse has stirred some emotions...
Anyway... WoooShHsh
PS: Won the battle coz of a no-show...
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i was feeling this it was original and with the guidelines or what ever u did good....keep it up..
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Nice shit...
The ending, of course, was way predictable...
I knew it'd be the cat with the funny mustache.
Very good, but very statement like approach. You didn't go for emotion on this one, if ya did, you didn't portray it well enough...I'd have described the suffering he ordered in more detail...the horrors he caused.
But, for who he was, and seeing as this was suppossed to come from him...
I think it's pretty accurate...I doubt ole Hitler would reflect on with remorse, anything he did...prolly only remorse he had was that it all went south on him.
Good shit, enjoyable.
Technically, yeah, improvements are needed.
A more complex rhyme scheme could always be used.
Internals...but either way...this is good, man.
Peace
