The world made me up

my life has a tendency to screw me over/
so only when i wake up in hell will i be truly sober/
i look around sip the liquor and light weed/
think to myself is this all there is? might be/
i question myself everyday, should i continue or just give up/
or to my fucking reputation i must live up/
yes, i lose my mind, that's when i choose to rhyme/
cause if i didnt id never be able to excuse my crimes/
i do fuck up but im trying to live legit/
but damn it's really hard to give a shit/
about life or death, or going to jail/
none of my family believe, except knowing i'll fail/
so i gotta work at this to prove em wrong/
any obstacles obliterate my view i'll move em on/
cause if i get far, im looking back never again/
but i dont think im that lucky, cause my pain is forever a friend/

hook=i dont care about my own lifes so im a crazy fuck
i dont even fucking exist the world just made me up
i just escaped from out the psycho ward
fuck around with me ill knife ya jaw

i have disscusion's with myself over different topics/
i put truth into every rhyme i write, listen, honest/
i aint happy with this place i call home/
everywhere i go it's like im facing a war zone/
it's the same everywhere there aint another place/
all i seen growing up was pain on my mother's face/
so they wonder why i act the way i do/
cause im a walking corpse, everything i say is true/
but if you doubting me muthafucka's come and prove the lie's/
then when you come up with nothing you'll choose to die/
im just waiting for an excuse to take a life/
hey, i heard you and death gotta date tonight/
tell him he aint taking me to hell just yet/
he wouldnt have the balls anyway he can tell im upset/
i was still in my mothers womb when i saw luck leaving/
so im here to invite my death so i say fuck breathing/

i got some good replies for my last 2 posts which was cool so i thought id drop some more of my serious stuff.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161046
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=161026

im just uppin this, im going 2 work soon so id like some feedback.

i thought it was tight it was a song i related to and many others proly will nice job keep flowin playa happy holladayz

This was ill keep it up!

hey man this piece was tight....good work, keep it up and elevate

I don't like it that much. The flow was too simple and the words were repetetive in a lot of places. I thought the chorus didn't go with the words either. Maybe I'd have to here it as a song though.....

thanks for the replies much appreciated, id like more though peace.

im off now gotta get ready 4 work, night shifts, id like some more replies peace.

Pretty tight man.. I liked it.

Good to see you posting loads up too.

I'll drop a full reply later spa I'm tryna sort loads out a min.

come on what's with the sleeping? more replies im replying 2 yall shit.

this was a nice piece...an easy read and really enjoyable...i like the concept and the structure was good...could have been a little bit more complex, thats my only criticism...keep elevating duke...one

Yeah this is it hold on to wat u got here and just keep improving by practice yeah try to be a bit more complex in your ryhmes but that's really all that's wrong. This best i seen u although haven't seen all your work!

Keep Postin'

yo that shit was hot young i'm feelin' that shit