I'm tryin'

I'm tryin' but findin' it hard to get cheddar see,
I'm in a hole dawg, I'm tired of climbin'.
grindin' but from the start I was born to a pedigree,
that many say I better be wiser than Simon.
through all this jealosy and wickedness I'm survivin',
no longer catchin' rides no longer broke as hymen,
Hatin' the vibes I'm gettin starin' at the horizon,
seein' the terror risin', government terrorizin',
America's new phase, wait, let me clarify it,
start a war for peace? hmm, why is they lyin?
blinded by paranoia we find in our own minds,
they fightin' for all the oil, implyin' they savin' lives.
why would you vote Bush, you playin with fire,
didn't you notice that he's portrayed as a liar?
we in dire straights, I need to pray for this country,
World War Three's comin', I'm sayin' it bluntly.

i need feedback please.

wassup son? this piece was ok u was sayin some deep shit it was easy 2 understand, but u need 2 work on ya flow i think you could be really dope so keep writing and writing and writing and you'll improve, check my stuff out, peace.

that shit was tight jizza, i was feelin the message and the flow was clean, i got a similar concept in my open mic too. got a good political message and well versed. anyways, that's that. sorry if you felt like i was steppin on your toes in your battle...i'm just big on respect during em and leavin the shit talk to the before and after. but fuck it...that's just my opinion, its your battle and it ain't my business. one.

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

i got that dude credz post like dat lol

any way'z you are talented you have a decent flow and you will progress and get better the more you practice

the verse was good decent well thought out