-
Suicide
"I can't stand who I see in the mirror"
First off, i'm out of shape, my biceps have depleted..
i can't hold a job cause i can't stand how I'm treated..
My significant other is no longer very significiant..
maybe it's because fuckin her is always indifferent..
My car got repossessed, and I can't recieve a loan..
I'm now one of the many individuals that poverty owns..
and my room has a broken window, it's the middle of winter..
I can't even sit on my toilet without gettin a splinter..
some bitch was drivin, and it was me that the whore hit..
I'd go to the hospital but to be honest i can't afford it..
"I must be getting old, or just going crazy"
I'm startin to hear voices, always callin out "shane"..
so I just ignore evryone who decides to call out my name..
My families all dead, but who cares they never loved me..
And i can't believe in jesus cause i place no MAN above me..
I can't read as well, and things don't make sense like they used to..
I have no memory, but i have no friends, so it doesn't matter who's who..
My dog bit me the other day, almost as soon as i walked in the door..
if not even a dog will love me, what the fuck am I writin for?
Maybe it's just an explanation, so you can understand why..
I'm an impatient person, and I know i was born ready to die..
"Me Vs. God"
a 6 revolver and one dice will ultimately decide who's bigger..
roll once for bullets, and once for how many times i pull the trigger..
a 1 and a 5, Lord, why are you attempting to intervene..
you need to realize acting is harder than just watchin the scene..
You sit up there, and tell us how to act, without taking into consideration..
we have reasonable cause to disobey, we're corrupt as a nation..
Yeah we have our own choices, but you could fix it if you want to..
tell me my savior, how would you feel if our job was to taunt you..
besides all that, I'm weak, and growing old, atleast i can admit..
I'm a few minutes closer to dyin than when i started writinin this shit..
"Is this the end?"
Put the gun to my face, pull the trigger once and than twice..
*click, click* "what about my children, and my beautiful wife..
Fuck it,there fine, they don't need me, Lets try this again..
*Click* god damn, I'm startin to cry from the rush of adrenaline..
2 more tries, i can do this come on, stop thinkin about..
what you could have goin on..
*click* Wow, 4 tries and no projected bullet, this must be a sign..
that God has a plan for me to live happy in due time..
This was a bad idea, can't wait to see my wife and kiss her lips..
Holy shit what I have i done, my finger slipped!!!BOOOM!
-
-
or you can leave feedback...
-
i liked this shit alot... vocubalary was impressive... images were also quite strong... i like that "no man above me" line... also the whole russian roulette with tha 1 'n' 5 made the story dope... but i'm hopin' this ain't no autobiography... otherwise ya might need a Siccologist...
check me out...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...55#post1882255
-
-
-
yo......can i get some real feedback on this shit right herre....
-
wow
this is a really nice peace....i mean i cannot believe its being slept on,the emotion is beautiful aswell is the imagery which is amazing this is a solid oeace the rymescheme was quite decent,and there was a great use of wordchoice and vocab,and must i say the structure is nice....
however everything was dope except the and concept was played.....but you did take a different route then others do so that was nice
pretty nice drop yo stay up
-
i think that your verses were really good and you linked the story throughout really well. you've acquired a really morphologically complex lexis which really helps you!! and as people ^^ have said good structure and rhymes too!! Lovin it!! Take the time to read mine if ya don't mind!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158322
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=159347
