I Write to you from Above

Dear (blank)

I woke up that one fateful day at the crack of dawn
Both you and (blank) were asleep, until after I was gone
A cold breeze sends a shivering shock into the trees
As I whistle for my cab,
“Take me to Boston airport please”
I check in and everything seems to be going fine
As I board the plane however, chills fill my spine
I think nothing of the deep cold going around
I board Unted Airlines Flight 175, L.A. bound
We take off at roughly eight; I lean back and try to unwind
The importance of this big meeting won’t leave my mind
But within seconds that all completely fades
Men stand up yelling, pulling out switch blades
I can’t understand any of their foreign tongue
I begin to pray, with all the people I’m among
We pray to Jesus, Buddha, Allah and many others
On this plane we sit together as sisters and brothers
One of them finally speaks a word we can understand
He says, “You will become hero’s to Osama and his land
We are crashing this plane into the World Trade Tower”
I begin to think of you, and you’ll hear the news within the hour

I see outside that we’re approaching our destination
Some beg and plead for a reasonable explanation
But no answer is given, and the plane starts to descend
I see the towers ahead where my life begins to end
I can see the people looking up below
Taking in this once in a lifetime show

I feel the impact of the plane as it collides
My body begins to burn, but my soul glides
In the air, up and above the clouds to heaven
Baby my life was lost on September eleven
But my soul and spirit live on looking down
I wanna see you happy, to see you lose the frown
So please don’t live in sorrow, please be strong
I’ve watched you everyday since I’ve been gone
And it depresses me up here to see you weep
From the time you get up to the time you sleep
One day our love will once again connect
But for now just take the time to reflect
On the memories we have once shared
In years, we will once again be paired

I know this letter won’t ever reach your sight
It’s just something that I felt I needed to write

Love, (blank)

this is a pretty deep peice considering you really didnt expirence being on the plane and i like how u did a verse while ur dead it was a great peice man keep spittin

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post1881615

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=158692

this was pretty good....rhyme setup and structure was good....you had a few stand out lines...like...I see outside that we’re approaching our destination
Some beg and plead for a reasonable explanation
But no answer is given, and the plane starts to descend
I see the towers ahead where my life begins to end

that two bars really stood out...as well as...

So please don’t live in sorrow, please be strong
I’ve watched you everyday since I’ve been gone
And it depresses me up here to see you weep
From the time you get up to the time you sleep
One day our love will once again connect
But for now just take the time to reflect
On the memories we have once shared
In years, we will once again be paired

only thing i didn't like about it...is notice your syllabe count gets lower and lower..it really effects the flow............a few of your rhyme choice words could have been better.....but enough of the negative stuf..


the main aspect that made this piece really good...is the fact that you left it open to everyone who might have gone through a similar situation....so that makes it have a lot more meaning than it would have just been some random piece...props for this...keep writin kid

thanks for the feedback guys...much appreciated
drop a link and i'll be sure to check yours out

The topic is kinda of played...however this had many other very positive elements in it.
I really like how you left the name blank...that makes this verse a letter that everyone can relate to, because its not personalized....I see it as a letter everyone who died wrote.....rhyme scheme was simple and could be elevated a but...imagry was decent and your emotion was very well done...good drop Whyte Ave.

peep please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=157845