need some advice...

ima drop a couple a lil verses...lemmie know if its aight or not so i can work on shit....my heads all fucked up so if it aint ill enuff dont go to hard on me :hump: .....lmao......................
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yo check it out.....
AyO........
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im here for advice, not to be critisized...
i know im nice, wait until im televized...
im on the flow i know where i stand now...
lyrics so heavy i`ll tear your back down...
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im known as ReNaGade, a lethal rapper brought up on the streets..
im sweeter then kool-aid, i got the red guy bowin down to my feet..
my gun comes with heat, and a knife to slash at ur throat...
if ur offended by all words..im just clownin dawg aint nuthin but jokes...
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gimmie some feed......thx peeps :shoot:

Aiight first off in text you could have done without the "AyO........" and the "..." after each line. (sorry its just one of my many net pet peeves) Now on to the flow itself:

Ya post was WAY to short. 1st verse was rather simple in makeup. A couple multies but ya vocab really needs some uppin. also the lines read a little short and chopy to me (but that may be because of what I was listing to while I read it)

The scond verse was again not all that hot. I keep thinkin of that Jay-Z/Em shit when I read it.

Over all I was not to impressed but you did show that you have the fundamintals to work with. Decent multies....just work on ya flow and up ya vocab and length of ya next post.

eeerrm word to the ........ scrap tha dots they jus make it look messy
the flow was ight but u kinda were forceing words to rhyme
structure was ight
the multis were koo
the secound verse didnt really seem ta be going any were and its much to short
wasnt bad but i shud work on makein ur lines longer

the 2nd verse was much better than the 1sr... but was way to short, you need more lines... it flowed well and had ok vocab... keep reppin
PEACE

ight goodlookin.....i told yall my heads messed up...i think im gettin writers block..shit