the beggining

harsh winter nights, storming outside
staring at the bible but its god i cant find
only need one more chance in this horrid lif of mine
dark secrets kept from my faimly
i cant stand all this insanity even my dad is mad at me
same troubles come in doubles
seeing someone else when i look in to puddles
not knowing who i am whens it gonna end
rights to defend i can see my soul starting to bend
and so to the devil i lend i can only pretend
i walk outside see my breath in the air
even the gunshots cant brake my hard stare
i say oh god its no fair
but its me the one that all the kids didnt care
hear a wolve howl brings rise to my hair
i know its not long now until my new beggining
heaven or hell? will god forgive me for all my sinnin
its 8 sharp now as i see the car come around
no need to exchange fire now soon ill hear that sound
it was my lower neck one of the bullets seemed to found
engines roar as my body hits the ground
heaven or hell? nothing is in sight
all i see is black and thinking nothing
no brigth white light i shoulda gave up a fight
even my momma will soon forget that night

What up....Deep drop son, deep drop, the ending was different than what I expected it to be, an interesting twist. Good flow. Could have been more imagery in the word usage but I have no doubt that you'll get better with time. Nice finisher, and a straight rhyme. What was the real message you were trying to get at?

Yeesss Sirrr! my nigga you held it down on dis one bro, you have elevated alot kindol, Aye, newsflash, yall look out for my boy ill on my new album 100%throwed coming November 22nd avaliable for download Nov. 25th. Yeesss Sirrr1, for more info go to www.thadamteam.cjb.net and dats what that iz

nicely done. not a bad drop. flow was decent. structure could've been better, by matching syllables in your lines and all that. imagery was pretty good, just work on upping your vocab, by reading. try to read as much as you write, if not more. you'll find new words, and it will help you with your word choice. the best aspect of this was your emotion. so like i said, try to work on the structure/rhyme scheme and the vocab, while staying strong with the emotion you brought.

i see alot of potential. good job.

uppin feed would be deeple apreciated lol jk i dont say that but it would be coo if u left some feed

the content was nice, execution tho i thought lacked something, it seemed all over the place, too irregular... id do something with that, but asides from thst an enjoyable read, some interesting lines in there... just put a bit more thought into structure, scheme.... keep at it man.... and hit my latest piece

upedy upedy up up away..............................

uppin fa shaw i liked this piece that why im keeping it alive

yo son deep drop man feelin it
bit short though was it jus freestyled
vocab could have been better but fit in well with the verse
endin was unexpected but good way to end
overall nice drop could have been beter wiht more work but yeh aiight peace

ight thanks psykosis keep the feed coming and in a couple more i guess i can let it die