Tryna Do It The Rite Way.....holla+ Feedback Plz..

THIS IS SOMETHING I WAS WRITING LAST NIGHT....LET ME KNOW HOW YALL THINK IT IS OVERALL......


I'm a 'Born-Swordsman', 'Sworn-2-Scorch-Shit';
My rhyme Form 'Torches all wit unseen-Forces'

My Gun's ENORMOUS-n-pack a punch like 'Goerge-Foreman'
And 'Tortures' like 9 year olds, Dreams-of -'Abortion'

My mic's on the Beam-of-Extortion'
tak'n pies-n-cut-it-in-'Portions'
And leave ya brains-mixed-in, wit buckets of 'Horseshit'

Take 'Caution', even stunt'n be 'costn'
to be blunt sonn; I'm 'Mean-n-Remorseless'

I'll leave ya 'Wooden-Men-March'n'
In the 'Hood' it's a 'Forest'
I done met 'Gorillas' in the 'Jungle'
Welcome to the 'Projects'

Elevat'n @ extenses, Heavens best was sent to 'Repent-this'
I send 'Clips, that in the End, they wont miss, bars is raw an Atrocious

I 'Bend-Wits' to the point, you wont need a 'White-Flag-2-End-This'
Verbal-Menace, Ma' Spittins-'Blurred-ya-Vision'
I 'Burnt-Emissions' to a 'Perch-of-Bitches'

My styles like, if we were outside, you wouldnt need the WIND to feel my 'Drift-kidd'

Riddled wit Words, My World is Littered wit Germs,
I'm 'Sicker tham Sperm, in the middle of 'Birth'

Widdled wit turns, I 'Giggle-@-Herbs'
Belittl'n-Birds, fix'n 2 Burn' ya-When I Stip all'aya Nerves'



kalikoze911, feed back please........i need to know how this is, it isnt a complete written, i was just writing, shit as it came to my head......

heres 2 links 2-2 open mics i replied on

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...74#post1812774
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post1812775

First of all. Ditch the quotations around parts of your verse, it really detracts from it.

Now..this wasn't too great man. The subject matter was played, and you didn't even flip it in a creative way to make me care about. Just sort of a self-glorification piece, and we already have way too many of those in here. Like..this wasn't horrible, but nothing really stood out to make me CARE about it. Just try and be more unique with your subject matter.

Ayo macabre you can spit?

I Thought It Was Nice...Good Shit Son

ayo 1st off, just to let some of you guys that read this piece; that there was no real topic to it all, i wasnt trying to flow wit it, in so many words, i was reading something on multi's & i figured I'd try it out, so i just started thinking of things, not to really format it, just get the basics, and the simplicity of it all.......but thanks everyone for the feedback:

macabre:
Tony Montana:
Poverty:

thanks, im working on my multi's, not really sure if i have the hang of it yet, "practice" is wut ima do............and macabre, ill ditch the quotations....lol

i just thought it be better to understand, those are key points I add in, just so i dont flow it like a run-on sentence,......but good look'n tho' KALIKOZE911

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Poverty

I Thought It Was Nice...Good Shit Son

---

JUST WANNA SAY GOOD LOOK'N FOR DA FEEDBACK.....ITS JUST GOOD TO HEAR YA SHITS GOOD ONCE N A WHILE YA KNO.........DROP ME A FEW LINKS SO I CAN CHK YA SPITS OUT..ILL GIVE CREDIBLE FEEDBACK.HOLLA.....

KALIKOZE911 :shoot: