Mark of Man

The Mark of Man

Let there be light, within the unkempt shadows of solitude
As God discerned a flurry of images into his polished view
Upon it too, vastly gazed creations of newfound creatures
Pristine oceans swallowed the mouths of grounded features
A world of entities to fulfill the lust of God's expectation
Had failed to satisfy the confines of his mind to admiration
His hand's creation, instilled unto him the threads of heaven
To let beings in the image of him opress and shed breath in

A brief brush of dust onto God's canvas branded mankind
The divine right of life into his children to be sanded by time
Candid but fine, we reigned with riches and sought bounties
Glorifying God's feat with deceit, a flood of sin was amounting
Our profound King, fell before the hands of his own creation
Stationed with Satan below the depths of known acquaintance
Reincarnation of his soul in us brought torment to this iniquity
Scaring the face of our father's emblem, the blood trickles deep
As our sickle reaped at beauty's feet conquering all before us
Piercing our own pictues into the corners of what we tore up
A sea short of, what was once a world of immense splendor
Is now a universe of mockery to the hands of man's inventor

Skyscrapers of flame and fury, part of the scars that we dealt
Are shards felt wthin the veins of Earth itself to resemble hell
Stagnant water reflecting embers of brushfire upon its plains
All because the desire for gain breeched beyond and decayed
We haunted this place, exposing all but ourselves to extinction
Instead of harmonzing with the voice Mother Nature singed in
Ourselves are all we're in sync with, we've erased its beauty
Like a walking disease upon the crates of earth defacing truly
Our duty, the first incision that marked the start of our species
Ceased the heartbeat of nature, bringing an end to its breathing

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

done.

Akrillic-Freestyle

Mindone-forgot the name of the piece. lol.

uppin.

uppin this. drop feed and a link. thanks peepz.

This was a long one, one of those dictionary type writtens. Rhyme scheme of nice and clean. Flow consistant on most part but stretched out a bit at certain points where multiple syllabol words were used. I like this drop none the less, A good read that kept my interest. Keep writing....

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=153842
return the favor

sure thing. i'll hit that up lata. thanks, uppin this.

i liked this piece, flowed consistant 4 me, multis r a +, kept me reading, grasped the concept of ur mind..........overall i like this piece very well, uppin....

KALIKOZE911...

Perfect. this was truly an amazing piece. what stands out to me the most is the content. it was evident that you had most likely worked on this for some time, which showed. again, the content was great. i just wanted to emphasize that because i see alot of OMs and verses written based on rhyming, and they sacrifice the message and content. you, on the other hand, found the way to perfectly fit in rhyming with what you were saying. there were plenty of multis in this but they didnt distract you from the content, which in my eyes are the best multis.

the imagery was a close second to the content. great wordchoice on each line, though somehow you managed not to over-vocab this piece. emotion was fine, you basically kept the same tone throughout. every aspect of this was well done. a read-twice-or-more piece. excellent job.

favorite lines:
"A brief brush of dust onto God's canvas branded mankind
The divine right of life into his children to be sanded by time"
- could of well been the opener. imagery, rhyming, wordchice, all exceptional here.

"Scaring the face of our father's emblem, the blood trickles deep"
- meaningful content, vivid emotion.



Sunrise, Sunset.

thanks man, i appreciate it, i'll hit urs up for sure.

yah man, this was amazin, damn, haha i thought you were someone else

anyway, great vocab, i thikn the most vocab i ever seen in a song, and great flow, and yes it was very long, good concept too, and imagery and everyhting that comes well with a great piece

keep it up man

peace

okay
you had smooth flow...and a nicely legit rhyme scheme,your piece was also well worded i had to look a few words up in the dictionary to learn the true meaning....this drop was dope man....i loved the nicely done structure which kept it all nice and complex

dope job peace

It was good but it seemed like a Story from a J.R Tolkien Book or a long poem but it was nice

Ace i liked the style you used in this, i prefered this to some of your work, this seemed to flow smoother, sometimes i find you stretch your lines out a bit then try to mask it my using a smaller font... lol... but yea i liked this one man.... good job
....could you hit my latest... thnx man

thanks man. i will do so when i get back on. i appreciate it.

Another Chapter : of feed back ...Great flow what every one in open mic is looking for great vocab. and multis. Intelectual contex One of the best ive read : how ever I think that sometime rymes are to complex and to symbolic and that kinda takes somthing away from us Dumb niggas that can think so deeply cuz we smoke to much pot...But over All great drop Im glad I went back and found it ,which wouldent of happend if you dident leave feed back on my latest piece thanks on both counts homie .. I mean geting feed back and for being able to read a great Piece....