a light switch

torn clothes pour, behind closed doors
on all fours, being raped
layed the body of a supposed whore



a sunny day, funny in a way because
it was the complete opposite
in the house, beyond the shrubs
nuzzeled in a good community to hide
no one got what was going on
but some of them confusingly tryed
a newly formed family, just 3 years ago
blessed with a beautiful girl
and if the lights right, her face appears to glow
the flicker which would bring her end
trapped inside a windy tunnel
and blown out when it strengthened
please god, every night she prayed
hoping someone would notice..
she was a mascot in the game he played
on the outside, he would never hurt her
but on the inside
she was forced gruesomely to be mature
the pedafile seemed picture perfect
so it was no surprise
that the mother never heard it


alone in the room except for tears
staring at herself
her ugly image crept upon a mirror
pale skin, but burnt beneath her skirt
mind still young
so far from what her features were
no more was the little girl attractive
she threw herself at men
sadly, in order to get back at him
the distorted views that she saw
were normal to her
but left everyone else in awe
in grim detail her memory was confused
her daily routine
was that which she was bruised
live and die, thats a fact of life
but a common thing
was the poor girls greatest sacrifice
torn clothes pour, behind closed doors
on all fours, being raped
layed the body of a supposed whore
the sight unseen lies there gone
nothing in the dark
but everything with the lights turned on



think what you want, it has many different meanings

what does it mean to you


responded to credz and kandlestic

I'm really iffy on this piece. I read it a few times. The first time I didn't like it, I thought it was poorly put together. The second time I sorta liked it. The last time I just found it average. I realize this might seem like nit-picking but I only mean this as constructive crit. The story had no fluent movement to it. It just sorta dwelled on an idea until it dwindled then jumped to another. In fact, it was so vague in the beginning that you didn't even know it was about a child being molested by her father until the middle of it. Just sorta danced around the point of it. Work on becoming more direct with your storyline and your pieces will be much better. Word selection was ok at times.. I found the flow sorta poor. It got jumbled and sometimes just fell off. Overall it was decent.

heh mmkay .. it was suppose to be vague in the actions, and yes it did dwell on the subject to it, but i gave little gestures that something wrong was going on in every line so i don't know what you're talking bout man .. ne way thanks for the feed.

I thought it was a little above average. It wasn't great or told in a remarcable way, but the flow was good. I like the vagueness on imagery and detail. Leaves the reader to fill in, but you explained enough to keep it interesting. The concept wasn't that fresh but it was aight. This is a change of style from your other pieces, and I think I like it more. Decent shit. Keep writing.

-W1

kk .