Power of a rhyme........feed back pleez!!!!

Yo, My explicit lyrics can change innocent lives
I can commit murder wit one of my rhymes
shit so emotional, even though i spit the calmest
hits kids the hardest, so naive, cuz i'm brutally honest
I'm sorry i don't mean to curpt the youth
no need for ear muffs they need to hear the truth
my debut is gonna cause havick but it well worth the while
my album is more protested then a california pedophile
so why does the world hate todays artist
they hate the fact a ghetto cat can come into superstardom
we all know that big deams can bring big thangs
but don't drag yourself down if you don't got the game
yeah the world is filled wit killas and drug dealas too
but don't rap about it, if it don't really affect you
i ain't here to tell you imma killa or fucking dimes
I'm here to tell you i'm wicked and theres power in my rhymes

just some shit i had in my head!!!!!!!!
links
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=138178
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140571

ay i told u before lg that this is a good concept n that was a coo drop...keep doin ya thang son

The flow was the best part of this piece...

But you promoted yourself too much here. Try and think of a more creative topic. If you do that then you should be fine because your capable of doin dope pieces if you take your time.

Overall....ok piece but think of somethin more creative

good shyt fam i like your style its not gangsta but its not too far away, and ya structure was on point. be lookin fo more from u

nice title:

yeah man this had some dope ryhmes and a bit of creativity.

and this...

my debut is gonna cause havick but it well worth the while
my album is more protested then a california pedophile

this line lifted it . cause the line before this was letting it slip but once you droped this in there man it raised its potential.

iight drop man

yo, thanx for the feedback...... that verse is not exactly what I wanted out of this topic.......thats just the shit that came to my head last night. Imma do it again in audio I'll let yall know when i do so you can peep it!!!!!!!

pz

yo lets get some more feedback peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

diz was ill i like da whole self glorification shyt
im all the way wit dis piece
keep droppin

Hmmmmm...this was ok. I liek self-glorification when it's done in a creative manner. If your going to praise yourself..then try and stray away from simple wordplay, etc..

"my album is more protested then a california pedophile "
^stuff like that...try and stray away from it.

The flow was nice tho...very easy read for me. Keep workin' at it and you'll get better. Your headin' in the right direction.

pz. god bless.
- T-West.

F'sho^^^ I'll keep that in mind for next time........thanx for the feedbeack and keep em comin!!!!!!!!!

Can you return the favour and drop feedback on this please
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=140931

thank you.

pz. god bless.
- T-West.

you concentrated to much on 'i'm going to change this' and that without actually saying how so it fell as being hallow in a way the flow wasn't good 2 me this didn't flow well to me came off as monotone in a way which is boring to read try to put multies in your lines to speed up the flow and play with your lines and get more creative

it's a start man, you've got some potential, keep at it.

uppin for the much appriecated feedback!!!!!!!!!!!

It had it's highs and lows however the flow of it was real smooth and I like that. Good concept and if this is off ya head like ya said you should work on it some more and turn it into somethin betta ya know. Good shit though dog.