Naked Mind

Naked Mind

Thoughts exposed to fiends of undoubted certain corruption
Naked mind, so enemies can cause me hurtin' destruction
Ideas translucent to anyone who cares to read
The feelings i've grown with since I was an infant seed
Emotion comes a plenty, to make my soul bleed
Mind trapped inside an invisible cage, i just want to be freed
I succeed in living to write, but am I writing to live?
Poetic flows and emotional woes, are all this writer can give
Will my intentions be discovered? Will this poet finally rest?
Visible thoughts in poetic drops, as i put my thinking to the test.

Short i know, but i needed to write something. Tips or feedback please?...

The flow was nice, and the topic was good. It was too short, like you just stopped writing out of no where. Emotion and imagery was nice. Not so much imagery, but more I could picture the feelings. Eh, overall this piece was okay. It could be better by being added to.

I feel the same thing. I didnt have enough time to write a long piece though, so i set it off like this. More replies?

nice, succincnt, potent...very effective...and a nice drop

Tank ya. Anymore?

I like it.....its a simple take on a poetic mind and how we feel about getting our message across into poems!! the structure was great made i real easy to read.... and also the flow was spot on, didnt fall off anywhere in the piece, i also like the way you used two different styles in the poem, the last four lines were different to the rest and i found this interesting and a nice concept. your writers voice was really good in the piece as you made me think more about getting my message across and wanting to make me write more.....vocab was good!!

So to sum it up a nice short poem...with a good message.. keep it up man!

8.4/10

Fave Line = I succeed in living to write, but am I writing to live?
Poetic flows and emotional woes, are all this writer can give

Ill get at you for our collab 2nite man.....pz

BLOOM YOU LITTLE! :cussing: LINK! LOL

Nice piece by the way. Short and sweet!

Bloom I thought it was well written. Im thinking about writing something of this nature myself. You did a nice job explaning your thoughts. Your structure was nice and this was decent.

Thanks for reply

this was well written.....you had good flow..... you stayed on topic and it was a really good poem....keep it up fam