fine print

We swallow our pride, and follow the lines
Word by word, we coward and hide
These pages are brittle and spines broke
Fire plauges thoughts as ears bellow smoke.
We listen not to what we are told,
The stories grown old and this hand now folds.
The card like chapters, so crisp and cold
Fine lines wither faces and the stories they hold . .
But this gentle fine print is of a different kind,
an elegant find, saying what burns in its minds
arsonist dreams, that are without fines
a delightful crime for the eldest writer inside
writes what he thinks and thinks that he’s right
all night he types till the sky births light
he needs to relax, kick back before life kicks back
and snaps the straps of his last grasp at sanity
commotion, calamity, in all vanity,
the fine lines on there faces printed so clear
they are all here, cause they arent all there.

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

thought it was quite simple... the opening bar wasnt very well set up... and alot of small syllable rhyming... also i didnt think your transitions werent very smooth... work on the flow

verie nice...why is everyone slowly movin here?...or perhaps juss claiming their true names...wutever the truth...


this was verie nice..i saw nuthin wrong with the syllable rhymes they made the flow smoother to me..perhaps its cus i read weird...but def nice twist to it...or more a slight turn..from one thing to another slwoly ans subtly...it was nice...respect...-shi-

Real good rhyme about writing...

At least I think that's what it's about.

Somewhat vague, this was.

But the vocab and flow were quite good.

Much more descriptive rather than emotional.

S'good, woulda liked to have seen a good mix of both though.

Keep it up, just put some heart into it...(not that you didn't, I just couldn't see you in this, I saw you describing someone else, maybe that's what ya meant to do though...)

Peace

dev and btk, i dont wanna sound like a dick. . but i dont
need advice from either of you. . what you did for me was
basically tell me to go back to my old style. . im phrantik,
and if you know anything about me, im one of the dopest
writers on this board. rebutle ? its useless . . .

So...

(and I don't mind sounding like a dick, unlike you...)

WTF are you posting with an alias for then?

Just trying to get a bit of extra net glory for yourself?

"Testing" us herbs here on our judging skill?

One of the dopest writers on this board"...

Ok, well, then post your shit under Phrantik so peeps can dickride the name.

You posted with an alias to get honest feedback and now you don't like what's comin your way...

Boo fuckin Hoo!

Go bitch to someone else about it.

Damn, I woulda expected more from you.

lol, no links