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The Flight
It was a dark stormy night when the flight began
...the people watched in horror at the sight of land...
it ran at two hundred the height of the plane increased
...the masks dropped and fell to the passengers' knees...
they buckled into their seats and got off their feet
...they strapped on the oxygenn as their height decreased...
the pilots mapped the direction they would fly the plane
...the pilots released the landing gear with the fear of pain...
the jet remained at the same altitude when reached
...the aircraft stained the ground with deafening speeds...
the whistleing winds squeaked and the first engine blew
...by then the people knew their chance of persihing grew...
the confused passengers looked around asking their questions
...the outer layer desintigrated at the bellowing tensions...
then the giant seven forty seven suddenly descended
...the peoples' survivle was damned as their flight ended...
the story all comes together at the end i guess, just a thought i had,, if your confused, it short but i was content with it
ill put in how the story goes later, but you should be ablt to figure out the scheme of things
peace
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nice piece my man.. flow was kinda off near the end.. vocab and everything was nice.. everything else was good.. nice work..
8.5/10
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this was good. very interesting. the suspense in this kept my screen scrolling down for more. i can see that this was unique also, haven't seen very many flight topics. the imagery in this was great. the visions of all of it was really nice, i enjoyed what came to mind. the flow and structure were perfect. here's my fav. part:
the confused passengers looked around asking their questions
...the outer layer desintigrated at the bellowing tensions...
then the giant seven forty seven suddenly descended
...the peoples' survivle was damned as their flight ended...
nice man. consistent with beautiful vocabulary. i loved this piece man, keep it up.
peace
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This was a nice piece....flowed nice...a little short but worded nicely...I like this line especially.."it ran at two hundred the height of the plane increased
...the masks dropped and fell to the passengers' knees..."
Nice imagery...And descriptive in your verse..Nice...Overall a good verse...Keep it up...
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Ill piece....and you are right it does come together in the end. I definitely liked this one.
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uppin this damnit, leave your links
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this was a good piece man...
original, atleast to me.. I haven't read a flight OM yet
well constructed verse, flow was going pretty well,
great ideas, put them together nicely..
had good emotion...
maybe better if it was a little longer, but still good.
Only thing I'd say is if you could work in...
some high vocab, and work more multis to the internal rhyme,
it could make it a better of a piece, unless u were going for without that.
But overall, well done piece man. Keep droppin.
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This was a pretty nice piece. Told a nice story. Flow was a little off, but just at the end. Overall, i liked this. Keep it up.
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thankyou
leaver you rlinks
