I Can Only

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=125997

I can only remain for so long…
……………But yet I only remain to hold you in my arms….
While we dance to this slow song…
……………Knowing that I’d never deal you any harm….
I lay my head on your shoulder…
……………And kiss your neck softly with my lips…
Wishing together we’d grow older…
……………As I pull you closer to me by your hips…
And hold you so tightly…
……………Never wanting to ever let you go…
This just might be…
……………The hardest thing I ever had to show…
I lift my head up and say…
…………”Baby please run away with me, don’t say no”…
But you turn your head away…
……………I want to stay but I just cant wait though…

Take the chance, baby please…
Take my hand, Im on my knees…
Together we can start a life…
For once lets just not think twice…

I can only wait for so long…
……………But yet I only wait to just feel your lips…
And I don’t think I can go wrong…
……………With every single time I steal your kiss…
You just laugh at me so cutely…
…………..Guided by that sweet soft voice of yours…
Defined by all of your beauty…
…………...With just a smile all of your love pours…
And it soothes my soul…
……………Clensing it with all of your pureness…
I almost lose control…
……………As I think to myself that your blessed…
And I close my eyes…
……………Seeing our future with the kids playing…
Knowing I chose so wise…
……………Cause you are the reason worth staying…

Take the chance, baby please…
Take my hand, Im on my knees…
Together we can start a life…
For once lets just not think twice…

I can only stay for so long…
……………But yet I only stay to be with you always…
Cause we will go strong…
……………Never falling down like leaves on fall days…
Then you turn your head…
……………Looking at me with eyes just sparkling like stars…
And you smile at what I said…
……………Together we were admiring the future from afar…
Words just couldn’t express…
……………How I felt at the moment when your face lit up…
Heart was beating fast in my chest…
……………and butterflys flew right through my gut…
I was almost in shock…
……………Cause I never thought I would feel just like this…
Our future we unlocked…
……………Starting a new one together sealed with a kiss...

What's this Credz?! Don't you fuckin' know OM's aren't supposed to be sentimental and expressive. Just kidding, this was good. Not really a rap, more of something you would sing to; my opinion. This was good, rhyme scheme was good as usual and most was fine. Only thing I would suggest is to improve the vocab sometimes and try to avoid using the same words twice. I realize, though, that you meant to use some words more than once for emphasis. Good job, keep it up.

lol...Thanks Man :) Upping For More Feed

Lol, my bad Credz, I didnt realise that this was ure style of rhyming. Now I understand more where ure drop "Im just so tired" comes from..
Yeah man, real emotional, and pretty damn expressive. A good flow, and use of repitition. And I understood where u're coming from, so this was an enjoyable read.
Good work man.

"As I think to myself that your blessed…
And I close my eyes…
……………Seeing our future with the kids playing…
Knowing I chose so wise…"
^^ nice

Yeah I just started using this style, just trying it out a bit, but thanks for the feed though man :)

^^ yah man, shit works, keep droppin.. and this jus might be a freepost so dw if u need to delete it.. laters

yah like they said, it sounds more like a song or a ballad or smthin like that, as good tho, good lyrics and good emotion, not bad at all

peace

link to one reply after your piece or this will be closed.

thanks..

;)