strenght......please leave feed back

subject:strength

Shallow grave dug within my own poisoned mind
Demons take flight within the recollected prisms
Shards of crystal to impale the fated heart sorrowed
Rainbowed against the steel of a stone pressed soul
pray to the gods he does not blemish me
Close the mausoleum door upon my comatose body
Lifeless as your words strangled me into harsh hypnotism
A breath shallowed by vengeance and fighting flames
Apathy drifting my tears to the oceanic ebb of time
please understand I tried to be the best I could
Chaotic gleams of indecision twist the cry of echoes
Anger, hostility, love, sorrow entwine the fragments left
Barbed wire form the halo you strategically placed raged
Cries of weeping willows taint the breeze with shrillest yawns
you played your role as well, I’m not solely to blame
Tears like gasoline fuel the emblazed instinct within me
Fight or flee seem null to void when encompassed in rusted chain
Fingertips shall wear to bone and blood to release the locks
Residue of submission worn ragged by the frictioned call
arise the wraith, scorned unwilling to bear the rooted swor
Seduced by lightning I showed you as you were meant to see
Hiding the inner venom from the licks of self imprisonment
Struggling to slip through the crack in your subconscious infuriated
Implanted delusions from my sorrow to your blind ego
you are of dust and to dust you shall return
Your hostile aggressions fanned the spark inside my lips
Your viced grasp attempted to steal my breath and life
Your vehement assumptions awakened the fallen angel
And your walking away gave me strength to live life for me
from amongst the ashes, the phoenix rose within her glory

leave me some feed back about what you think and leave a link and ill hit up ne battles if you need wit sum honest votes....pc

damn....that was one of the best written poems ive seen in a long time..

it had everything..

great strong concept
vocab was awesome
the feeling and emotion was well written
the flow of the poem was ez to read ( poems dont rlly have a true flow but ya )
the length was right on...

9/10 i didnt see much of ne thing i didnt like in that poem...that was hott...

keep writin..pieces like this deserve feedback

good drop

pec

thanks man ill make sure to keep writin.......jus wish that people would leave feedback.....shit be gettin slept on cause people dunno mi alias.....but you obviously do

Wow... wow.. vocab?

Your vocab here was amazing... strong choice of words and help of emotion.. a somewhat complex read to keep with but thats what makes it so good.. it has alot of really good thoughts and concepts within, and it really makes ya think.. I really enjoyed this read.. dope !! keep it up man..

Yea... I know ur alias too :)

damn this piece was good..........it had amazing vocabulary........the imagery was okay but could have been better and you had some good complex concepts in this poem keep it up man

just because this guy is banned doesnt mean that he cant still get feed back this shit is good uppin it for him if he still around

yo im new to rb
but hey you got to teach me your skills
that was a tight verse
it hit me real hard
good poetry
damn....that was good

^Try to leave a better breakdown homie. Just because your new doesnt mean u shouldnt give this poem decent feedback.

WEll what do ya know, ure banned, anyway i'll still post what i think of this.

Wow. You do have a good poetic mind. You can translate regular words well into the form of poetry. You described the topic very well, and brought in good vocab alnog with it. Interesting how you describe strength, i pictured it differently to myself. Anyway good job. :D