Freeman Vs T West (topical)

Ok.
Topic = Calm Before The Storm Provided By Mag...

Wont have a line restriction. Just dont come too long.
This should be dope.
Good luck West.
Drop as soon as possible.
I should drop tomorrow.
Try and match it.

Check.

Tranquility emits from single pore
The present..
.. After what happened before
Pre-war as people's daily life blends
Individuals become teams..
.. Enemies become friends
Learn to get along..
.. The world is learning
Who would of thought that seconds later..
.. The world would be burning
Evils minds are yearning..
.. Eager to wreak mayhem
To take peoples lives..
.. And just slay them
Unaware, the people continue in routine
While the threat to their lives remains unseen
Its obscene how it happens without cause
Take the scene a second before and pause
Look how it was..
.. People in love
Feelings, like them..
.. In the sky above
Proud of their country to the extreme
Patriotic tears in their eyes gleam
Play it now..
.. And you see the metallic bird of death
People with video recorders gasp for breathe
Kerosine and meth..
.. Flammable toxins break the peace
Make security around the entire world increase
No matter how much ammo the police equip
No matter how many guns were kept on hip
Before that plane's tip hit the wall..
.. Didnt know the world would transform
Before that plane's tip hit the wall..
.. It was the calm before the storm

checking in. Good lord Freeman...gave me a hard verse to match lol. I'll drop in like an hour.

Sword wielded in my hand, Proceed through the dark
Shield equipped, Thoughts rise about the magic of the arts
It sparks in my mind, The force I am against...
The Wizard, the foe. a disturbed feel I sense
Leaving the castle, trying to stay calm before the battle...
Must pull myself together, not allow my senses to rattle
Through the dark forest at night, mind creating illusions...
Doppelgangers lurk, make-shifting the final pieces of confusion
Goblins abound, common sense seemed like nothing...
Wolves on prowl except too scared to be hunting...
Something was here, It's presence pulling to it's last...
to push away my bad thoughts, were an impossible task
A Ruffle in the leaves, I drew my sword to make his courage squander...
No other sounds appeared present, I drifted off and pondered...
A few inches higher than me, I saw from the shadow I was casting...
Perhaps it was my future that it appeared to be forecasting...
Caught in my idea, I took a look a lot deeper...
There appeared a man, a dark man, a role model, a teacher...
This illusion was so sudden, didn't seem like a second had passed...
Then...Boom!...silence...my shadow shrank in a flash...
Future evapourated into the air, the burning, the pain...
My past and present condensed, almost about to release rain...
See'ing that shadow, was see'ing the rest of my days...
I learned how I would look, and be, in every single way...
So i've lived out myself, down to my very last form...
Now I lay down, and rest calm...before my kingdom feels the storm...

This wasn't bad at all. Both came original and both had different styles.

Freeman- I liked your style for most of the way
thru but you seemed to go off flow near the middle
and end. So it made for a choppy read. If you wudda
sustained the flow & depth in the beginning then ya
would have took this easily. But your detail & emotion
was nice. Favourite bar was probably the pore/before
one.Worded very nicely.

T West- The main thing about your read that I grasped was
consistency. The piece overall wasn't amazing but you
did bring a good piece to the table all the way thru.
Your imagery and depth coulda been better but you did
keep a good standard of vocab' and detail.
Topic was nicely hit upon. An overall Good piece.

Props to both

V/T West

For more consistency in his writing.

Pz

MAKE SURE YA HIT THIS UP.
MAD SLEPT ON:-

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...t=%24pitacular

Ya'll hit up that link seen as though I took time voting on this.

uppin

This is one of the best topicals I've read... very dope indeed

Freeman - You had an excellent flow going, and your structure was unique. Your verse wasn't difficult to read, so I enjoyed it. You had some dope vocabulary in there, almost as good as mine :) Your storytelling ability was great in this, and you tackled quite an easy topic in a very fresh and interesting way. What definetley stood out in your verse was the level of emotion and passion in the writing. Keep it up!

T West - The thing I liked about yours was the abstract approach. Reminded me of the Lord Of The Rings for some reason. You told the story very well, and got deeper into the characters' minds than Freeman did, but I felt you lacked the emotion and vocabulary that his verse did. However, you did have a very smooth flowing structure.

In the end, this all comes down to which story I enjoyed more... and I felt Freeman's was a better effort, although T West wasn't very far behind. Props to both and keep writing.

Vote = Freeman

Please return the favour with an honest vote on my topical with UNDEAD - it's getting slept on.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=122013

very good topical, on both parts

Freeman - although i liked yours alot, it didn't have the flow or consistency near the end, if you kept it as constant as you did at first, the vote would be to you, all in all it was a very good peiceand i enjoyed it, had emotion to it.

T West - Yours didn't have as much emotion as Free's, but i really like the approach you took to it, you abstracted the topic into a medieval battle, very good peice but i expected different, vote still to you.

props to both

V/ T west

this was one tight battle.. a nice topic
and all in all gr8 verses from the upcoming
talent on r.b topical side but in the end
i have to give it to free......putrely cus
i think he put so much more emotion into
his verse wich i think is the feeling
of a good topical writer.you both came
coo with structure etc...and flow was coo
west u came with nice consistency as free
dropped of a lil in the middle but picked it
back up for a dope verse.good shit tho
vote-free

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=124205

Flow - I give slightly to Free - Free had transitions throughout while I didn't really see any complexity in T West's at all. One thing T West I noticed that I didn't like was the rhyme of "casting" with "forecasting" - just too similar

Content - On a third read-through this is closer than I thought - T West's get's pretty interesting near the end while the begining didn't attract my attention that much - Freeman had good imagery throughout but I didn't particularly like the topic - the "metallic death bird" line was dope - I think Free takes this by a bit too - with his good imagery throughout versus T West's good storytelling in the last third

Overall - v/Freeman

Thanks for the votes..
.. Drop links and im sure me and West will hit them up.
Up.
Peace.

Free took this 1 in my eyes
i liked his structure in this....
t-west i liked urs aswell but frees had something about it
his little sentences made his verse more affective as things stood out better
Both had a gd imagination
Free created gd images....
West i didnt feel some of ya creative lines....
overall tho both had nice flow
nice structure etc
but free takes it as i enjoyed his more than t-wests

Free...you came real nice here...good take on the topic....flow was on target and shit went together nicely...Imagry was excellant......definitly a strong point if the piece....Vocab wasvery wel done and the emotion was excellent..over all this was a very nice drop

T West...You also had a excellant piece..only thing majorly different was the flow of the piece..you had some stretched lines in ya shit...otherwise the imagry and emotion was done well...vocab was pretty good too but average at times

vote=Freeman for a slightly better verse