Soaring Free

Arising from the east its enlightening the skies
With the cries of wildlife, where the paradise birds fly
Up high, soaring free with not a care in the world
Unaware of the hurt and wrongs below that’s getting hurled
So if ya compare their songs it’s a comparison unique
Adjacent but their complacent whereas our future is bleak
With Shrieks of peeps from pain that some have to take
And partake without option from a simple mistake
On their own, abused at home, so at school they have to fake
A brave face, their safe place, but you can tell in his tone
He don’t answer the phone, it equals more broken bones
Another trip to casualty… “he fell and fractured his nose”
His mother’d cover, was afraid, bruised under her clothes
But stays composed cos she knows he would kill them both
I don’t suppose that people notice cos they mask it well
It’s atrocious that their lives comprise of a living hell
With each day a nightmare that they don’t want to delve
It aint fair, all they did was care, now they’re just a shell
Of their former self in a prison cell doing hard time
When their only crime was the wrong place, I think you’ll find
But would she click rewind, would that put right the now
No she wouldn’t have her son who she’s so fucking proud
She had to voice aloud, and leave the choking shroud
But felt she couldn’t run so one day she reached for the gun
Did she pull it, squeeze the trigger, yes, and now its done
And they’re both free, don’t ya see, they still hadn’t won
She’s in prison, hes in care and doesn’t have his mum


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...342post1240342
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...361post1240361

Hmm...nice drop here..i liked tha flow in it
consistant and pretty good vocab..
You did a great job on tha imagery
...Good piece

Flow was pretty good. Scheme was good but the rhymes themselves were somewhat simplistic or rather predictable. Kept me interested - 'cause you took it in an unexpected direction. When it started out about birds I thought it was going to be some kind of nature piece or something - but you slipped pretty smoothly into the conflict. Nice work again. Peace.

^^thnx for that

Hey stop it...Ur stealin my "Depth" style..lol

But anyway...This was really good man, The depth of it really go quite deep...

Ur vocab was quite amaizing allso...(dno why i used amaizing)

Skill wise, u were at YOUR average range...Wich is good however way u write...

The topic was quite dramatic...Very basic, But hit the spot...Good choice in topic..

I really like it man...

Dont stop..Keep up the "OM a day" shit....lol

Props

i agree with SMZ cuz u started off with simple birds and went into a complex conflict.overall okay piece flow was good. vocab good. good piece

yeah yeah..... thnx

Your 2 big major plus point here were your Detail
of emotion & your balance of internals.
It gave it that nice quality that I like about
pieces. Thats why Cam' always keeps my
Attention w/ his pieces. Your flow was near flawless
except for a few syllabic skips which could be easily
brushed aside.

The adjacent/complacent line was a very nice touch
It was poetic & beautiful.
You've really got that writers voice standing out
at the minute. Keep it up.

Make sure to reply to this-
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...83#post1241483

^^thx man...... appreciated

uppin this shit... whats it take these days to get some replies....

This was good, nice flow.. good story .. man vocab was on point, .. liked this

I don’t suppose that people notice cos they mask it well
It’s atrocious that their lives comprise of a living hell
With each day a nightmare that they don’t want to delve
It aint fair, all they did was care, now they’re just a shell

liked this, very nice :)

^^thx Ed.... appreciated man