For Fear Of Nothing Better..

Cold and alone.. Im left camping out in the streets
With garden walls as my seats..
.. And a bed made of newspaper sheets
Im afraid to be disturbed.. Want friends but cant hav'em
So alone I sleep..
.. In my urine smelling cavern
Passers by hate.. Honestly.. You should see the looks I get
Constantly under threat..
.. Even been spit on for a bet
But i afraid to move.. Afraid for myself to get up and leave
Doubt my skills.. But..
.. Not afraid of failing jus that I wont achieve
No sense of self pride.. Just think its best that I stay right here
No control with no way to steer..
.. What the point in trying if im jus gona stay in the same gear
So my decision is made.. And even as the weather gets wetter
Im gona stay right here..
.. Out of fear of nothing better

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This was nice and short. The content was great, just thought you probably could've wrote a little more and extended it. It was good for what it was though. Might have been a little rushed. Flow was on-point, everything was pretty good. Just one problem is I feel it could've been longer. Other than that, good job Freeman, ya ho.

Passers by hate.. Honestly.. You should see the looks I get
Constantly under threat..
.. Even been spit on for a bet
^ ^ real. . feeling that set of bars the most.

Lol .. this was actually a cool piece, nicely told story and the imagery was your strongpoint here .. you opened it up well, then carried it through nicely .. flow was straight throughout .. writers voice kept the transitions moving along nicely and i liked that. I felt you could of used some character build up towards the beginning to really bring the central character to life .. it was a little short, but not a bad drop man.

You've got the potential there. You in RSTL?

Thank you both..

Where you not expecting this to be a decent drop, Baron?
You havent read my other stuff, obviously.. Lol..
No, Im not in "RSTL".. Dont even know what it is/stands for.. :)..
Get on AIM..
Thanks..

Pz..

Ive never read anything by you before i dont think, thus, unless you've been on the board a while - i wont expect you to drop anything decent.

I dunno if i can link to RSTL, but ehhh .. im sure someone will link you eventually ..

Well expect it from now on.. Damn Wolves dwellers.. Birmingham rules! :P

Thank you for the comments.. Would rather have critique though.. Only way to improve.. But.. Yea.. Thanks..

More people, please..

Pz..

I thought this was a cool piece. Flow was good and easy. The imagery was ok. It was kind of short.I wish it was a little more detailed, but its still a good drop. An enjoyable read, as are all the drops that I've read from you so far.

But i afraid to move.. Afraid for myself to get up and leave
Doubt my skills.. But..
.. Not afraid of failing jus that I wont achieve

That was my favorite part. Keep up the good work.

Please drop feedback here:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117801

Ok..

I'll hit that up later..

Up..

Pz..

Nice short piece. Conveyed the idea nicely. Structure doesn't matter 'cause you flowed nicely. Liked some of your descriptions but I'm feeling to lazy to quote stuff. Nice work - keep it up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FormulaMC

This was nice and short. The content was great, just thought you probably could've wrote a little more and extended it. It was good for what it was though. Might have been a little rushed. Flow was on-point, everything was pretty good. Just one problem is I feel it could've been longer. Other than that, good job Freeman, ya ho.

Passers by hate.. Honestly.. You should see the looks I get
Constantly under threat..
.. Even been spit on for a bet
^ ^ real. . feeling that set of bars the most.

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I agree u usually write more then this but overall raw as hell

I would rate that spoken word more so than any thing else .. But since thins is OPEN , I'll rate that as well said. A depth that few go to discern the true abyss of others. The poor, the homeless, the frightened..

I believe that that deserves two stars as it is more unussual and usually the trait I look for in a aspiring poet / artist - its the ability to inject one's self into the place of others and assume post. To presume spirit. To fear not. And simply be.

Well said, Freeman.

Thanks everyone..

Uppin..

Pointers and critique would be appreciated thank you..

Pz..