Don't know nothin no more

dark room...no flowers in bloom...
thunder 'n lightning fill the sky, can hear a lil girl cry

"Mum, what's going on? I'm scared". "Don't be afraid hunny, we're prepared."
hiding, holding hands, freaking out at the slightest sound,lost touch with the ground!

a bright light is shining and then: nothing! i'm sitting on the swing, calling my dad to give me a little push. he tickles me and i blush...
mum has prepared my favourite dish: small potatoes with some cold fish. sitting on the porch eating our dinner, dad whispered "you're a winner"

didn't know then what i know now.God wants me with him, my task is done. no, don't run, yeah, i'm gone but you can still have some fun. i watch you from above where my heart will always be filled with love.

we were soulmates but you can't stop me, i'm already trough the gates, see ya later homie.you should watch your back coz they're wack.there's gonna be an attack but don't know when or how but what i do know is that this is war...don't know nothin no more.

*Somethin i wrote few weeks ago, hope i've improved but this ain't even close to what i call "fine" but yeah, it ain't simple to write good lyrics, my Dutch lyrics are way better but i'm still practicing, keeping up the pace and trying to get my flow right...but know there's still a lot to do, but i've got time...wanna do this the right way.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post1233408
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...15#post1233415

You need to leave 2 links of replies or this will get closed, Thanks.

Here you go, soory but i saw this too late but i just returned from Austria so didn't know this was the deal now....

Plz give me some feedback

uppin

Short but sweet. I liked the story. This was a nice concept, and i liked the transition from the death. This was an ill concept. A little basic, but the flow was good and easy. This was a decent read. Keep writing, ma.

Thanks, yeah, my words are pretty basic but i'm working on it but it ain't simple when you speak Dutch all the time and then you gotta write some decent sentences in English, it's harder to express things but i'll keep practicing, hope it'll get better but i think it will

damn this was a lil to basic for me...vocab was average if that...
"a bright light is shining and then: nothing! i'm sitting on the swing, calling my dad to give me a little push. he tickles me and i blush...
mum has prepared my favourite dish: small potatoes with some cold fish. sitting on the porch eating our dinner, dad whispered "you're a winner"

u got alotta potential and the story was sumthin u never hear some1 ryme bout so i like ya...keep at it and be sure to show me ur next work cuz i wanna see ur improvements CHECK OUT MAH OPEN MIC CALLED "RACISM"

Had a very poetic feel. You had some pretty good imagery within. Pretty much all categories were ok - but could use some improvement - but that's understandable seeing as you're using your second language. (Flow, Vocab, Structure, etc.) Keep writing and elevating. Hit my ELEETE collab if you get a chance - it's in my sig. (Two Geniuses - One Mind)

Thanks for the advice, yeah, it's quite difficult coz English is actually my third language (got Dutch and French as my two natural languages) but i'm reading a lot of English now so i'm hoping to improve my vocab. I luv reading all the stuff from you guys, you're really a great help for me...

Jess

uppin

Dutch? wow, i wonder what dutch rap sounds like?

anyway, it was too basic, but i suppose you have an excuse, its like me rapping in german, which i learn at school as a second language, that would be too hard for me, keep practising, you'll get more complex.

check mine

'raise the bar'

somewhere on the front page

Yeah, just started writing in English, think i can say i've got some pretty good concepts but working them out, that's harder... but my vocab will improve, i'm sure, don't give up so easy, not a quiter ;)