set the path.

My legs are shaking,
they tremble so slight
My feet are aching,
all through the night
We lay there waiting,
for the natural light
And anticipating,
our next days fight.

The War of ‘oh four…

A war to change trends,
and forget the styles
Neglect the majority;
Just for a while.
We leave them alone,
And search for the child
Whose ideals are strong
And imagination is wild.
We search for a kid who
Will not be phased by TV
A kid who can read &
Write ideas, so fluently
A child to teach us,
Be a mentor and guide
Take us into make believe
A safer place we can hide.
Dodge the bullets of “cool”
And the traps of “pop culture”
Adapt to imagination
And fight the future.
We wish for our destiny
But if it comes, will we see it?
Will a new messiah come?
Will this new child be it?
His expression so unique;
style unphased by the norm
This kids doing a rain dance
For his own Brain-Storm.
As he age’s he’ll lose respect
and they'll call him crazy..
but, he hasn’t lost his mind..
He’s just settin' it free…
He’ll drop out of school
Fail his science and math
But he’ll gain so much knowledge
Cause he set his own path.

tryin to shake the rust off...

Nice flow - vocab was ok. I think it would have made an easier read if you put the whole line on one line - but whatever - that's personal taste. I think it would be nice if you emphasized the rhyme in these lines, ie:
Dodge the bullets of “cool”
And the traps of “pop cul-ture”
Adapt to imagination
And fight the fu-ture.

Interesting topic - I'll be looking for your "oiled" work. Hit my Lamentations if you haven't - thnx.

^you want me to add hyphens like a herb...

no.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by SMZ

Nice flow - vocab was ok. I think it would have made an easier read if you put the whole line on one line - but whatever - that's personal taste. I think it would be nice if you emphasized the rhyme in these lines, ie:
Dodge the bullets of “cool”
And the traps of “pop cul-ture”
Adapt to imagination
And fight the fu-ture.
.

---

:laugh2: ..Lmao...Lmao...
Phrantik=Geek,but good at writing.
Penskills=Just Cool all a around.

Penskills > Phrantik

..This was an enjoyable read...you kept it very simple for the readers..Which I like very much...I can see why SMZ would say,you need to do this and that..Lmao..evidently..they have not read your past works...Lmao...

you want me to add hyphens like a herb...

yes... hyphens - the epitomy of herbness - flee from them at all cost.

You could use whatever punctuation you want - just giving you my opinion in feedback - namely that it would make an easier read if each "line" was actually one line and that "culture" and "future" don't actually rhyme unless you emphasize the second syllable - hence indicating in your text that the second syllable was emphasized would be useful.

this is good i liked it alot.. very appealing to me your piece was great not much to critize but you vocab needs elevating a lil but it WAS pretty good lol well nice piece please return the favor on my openmic its called The First, Last Day

This was a nice piece tik .. Can't say the best I've seen from U .. But I haven't seen nething from U in a while .. So it was a dope comeback .. I really dug the concept .. And the way U brought it forth .. That was dope .. I liked the use of short lines .. Added interest to me for some reason .. These two parts I dug the most outta the piece including the ending ..

A war to change trends,
and forget the styles
Neglect the majority;
Just for a while.

His expression so unique;
style unphased by the norm
This kids doing a rain dance
For his own Brain-Storm.

I liked those two parts and the ending of the piece the best .. They had deep meaning and dope content to me .. Nicely done here man .. Hopin' to see some more stuff from U .. Keep it up .. One

^word; thanks mentill.

Quote:

---

You could use whatever punctuation you want - just giving you my opinion in feedback - namely that it would make an easier read if each "line" was actually one line and that "culture" and "future" don't actually rhyme unless you emphasize the second syllable - hence indicating in your text that the second syllable was emphasized would be useful.

---

idiot... this is STILL rap... least u forget?
this shit pisses me off. Have you ever listened
to a hip-hop/rap whatever you choose to call
it, song before? Tell me you've never heard
of accenting. Please tell me that so I can laugh
at you for the rest of the night. PLUS, getting
pieces nominated for Legends doesn't mean
shit. Anybody can nominate people. So a bunch
of herbs n d/rs nominate you... who gives a fuck?
How many pieces do you have IN legends? Ass.
And he should tailor a rap to a reading audience?
Have you forgotten this is rapbattles? Read
it for what it is. Never forget the art.

Now to Phrantik... beautiful piece. I like the message.
The message was strong. Extremely. Flow was on point.
I liked everything about this piece. If you're just knockin
the rust off I'll be peepin all ur future pieces.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=117501

I am - that kid....

Ok..we may not 'go back' like 'car-seats'..dope metas..but I still feel the need to read yoor pieces...nice bringing back the good ol' Tik who's been missing for a while..I'm not going to tell yoo how good the flow and vocab and multis such & such..it's obvious..I'll tell yoo how happy I am too see yoo returning making dope pieces like this from the last time I read something from yoo - As Mr.Nobody - just want to tell yoo yoor cool man..totally cool..............yippity doo

thanks sars.
umm.. i am back, in full
force, check elite for a topical
against SMZ.. i posted within 30 mins..
he has the rest of the day.

I read this in school, bruh. Impressive. If you're still shaking off the rust, there must be a mighty pool of it beside you. . It was so fluently & properly written, that there is little to no critique available to be given. Word choice was amazing - a lot of it reminded me of Just Blink, actually. The path you described would, indeed, be a scary one to stare in the face. Way to represent, crew - stay active.

Qual

Much props on this piece Phrantik for the mere fact that
For personal reasons I was feeling this piece. Definitely related to it.
Setting the mind free.

“He’ll drop out of school
Fail his science and math
But he’ll gain so much knowledge
Cause he set his own path.”

The deepest lines. Very deep well I guess
Just to me. I could go on and on why but I won’t
Clog up your thread!! Nice flow and nice structure
As well as vocab..

Topic wise great job.

Peace