-
-Us- {Her and I} . .
We never had a stress, we caress, Hit it off with similarities
I must tip my hat miss, because of all the years you're bearing me
I realize my premise, a hidden truth to all the lies
I have you, and with faithful eyes, I show you me, no disguise
I work alot, but this hip hop thing is my gateway
If I speak my mind, i'll breach to the gates swayed
Open, i'm floating, thank god, for he has blessed me
A repay, for all the times he decided to test me. .
Baby, i'm not crazy, Our love can never be slim
We're not shady like him, you'll be my lady till the end
Never cheat, but i'm always out, no doubt i'm lost
Without you, and I've caught some problems but I've fought
And yes hun, as we progress, I want my grind to halt
Love don't cost a thing, and ours is too priceless to be bought
And trust, it's a must to see each other, so i'm home soon
I don't want this relationship to 'Fall' in Mid-June
And when you say be home at Midnight, I'm not Rushed N
I'll be home at 9 with a fresh twelve dozen
Flowers, Love's the power, the spell we're under
You say you're lucky to have me, baby I know you're number
And when it's cold, I'll provide the warmth you need
When I leave, you cry, Put your tears on my sleeve. .
So I'm wearing your pain and feeling it too. . .
You touch me from far away, I pray. .
. . And god says your spirtiual. .
I'm one individual, who's so happy to have you in my life
You in need of assistance. .
And I'll provide upliftment and help to rise above the strife
I Love You. . Baby that's just being real with you. .
I Miss You when I'm gone, and looks are not an issue
Fuck the physical, Beauty on the inside outshines
Any type of make up you put on, sometimes a face lies
Cause the inner self could be ugly, so pretty people do wrong
You need not worry, Cause I look deep everytime you hug me
And this love thing i'm on, Is quite a rush, Considered splended
Any problems, words will be the thread, we'll mend it
When i'm on a trip, Love's the e-mail, I'll surely send it
Others want to court our love, so we play defendants
And every bit of cinammon is recommended for our living
We need that spice, it's intricate for our life, Forget the other women
I'm not double dipping, One's enough to feed me properly
Pardon my monopoly, but after our first go. . .
And the $200 dress, i'm impressed, your beauty has gotten me
So i'm proud to call you mine, you shine greater than the moon do
And my equator is quite heated, I need this. .
I'm not a hater nor debater so soon you will find out that I choose you
Over crew, You got everything I could possibly dream of
And you know the scheme's tough because our team of
My heart and your heart, has honies and fellows jealous. .
But I just relish in the fact that you're that. .
And so much more, I adore you and i'm sure you feel the same
You were there to comfort me when all I could feel was pain. .
And when all I felt was rain, you were the sun that was so bright
This is so right, you have that certain solar that lights the nights. .
This is my declaration, an imancipation proclaimation. . .
Of my love for you, I say it without Hesistation. .
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and do you know what I see?
A beautiful silouette of a women. .
Like Picasso just painted an untainted protrait of you in front of me
This is ours, no one elses, and baby it will last till stop
We Fell In Love. . . Right off of that mountain top. . .
This is probably one of my favorite pieces i've written. . I had the "I Can't Wait" by Sleepy Brown and OutKast beat in my head. . so I think it flows to that. . I was just in the mood to get on the love-tip. . feedback appreciated. . Pz.
-
Decent imagery..
Structure was blah..
Flow was pretty good..
Vocab was decent..
Wordplay wasn't much..
Overall.. it was a pretty good piece..
some points could use work..
But it still looked good..
-
-
Shit i fucked this one up....read the one below....... :thumbup:
-
Man you just recapped my last six years with my girl.......Id love to hear this as audio....and if you ever do it please let me know......this was excellent i thought.....ive read a couple of your pieces and even though this was a love piece it was my favorite from you...Your imagery was great and everything seemed to fall into place....and like i said you basically recapped the last six years ive spent ina relationship with my girl.......peace..... thanks for hitting up my keystyle thought it was gonna get slept on.......didnt care i just needed to get stuff off my chest......once again dope job......and if youve got the time id really like for you to check out my collab i did with Dev...its called Mind Spoken...the links in my sig....thanks!
-
This was a decent piece...your imagery was decent...but..your structure made it a bit hard for me to follow...your wordplay was average..your flow was decent..this is something different from what I'm use to seeing from you...work on your layouts...your imagery could use a little tune up too...Peace...~Read my short stories.. :)
