Story's of A broken pen

A broken pen, captures & writes down what a normal pen would rather leave behind..

As the warm water slided pass the fragile body
the baby's smile increased..
yet the attention from mother, was poor & shoddy
And yes she handled her baby delicate, and refined
but the need for crack was strong,
in that back-corner of her mind
And she couldnt resist 'even' small ammounts of any distraction
distracted her mind drawn away in a small fraction
even a bird, or street sounds.. outside
could draw her attention away
she was unable to organize her thoughts and devide
ending up in a collision of handlings equal to disturbed
Trowing her into a state of agitated confusions
with actions uncontrolled and a perturbed
With this carrousel of memories and pictures,
spinning thru her mind..
Help was offerd, but fo her its hard accepting, stricture of any kind

Her state of mind was dark..w/ inner tears..

yet due the actions with her hands that she perform
resulting the baby smiling to her,
feeling all happy, comfortable & warm
As she looked into her childs eyes
her mind flooded from dark thoughts
and her previous state went into disguise
theres a little smile turning upon her face
but still her previous state was not that easy to replace & erase
Cause the phone went and she didnt know what to do
her mind filled up w/ decisions 'phone can wait, if its important it rings again in a few'
But what if its not?
maybe its a crucial call..& needs answered right away
i need to answer now! the way i live i cant suffer from any kind of delay
So she putted a towl into the tub, hoping the baby wont slip..
ran to the phone picked it up, but unfortuantly the baby did!..
Hello..whos there? were her words,
when at the same time the baby struggled
against the flooding water, yet he was weak to resist & it did hurt..
so much and his small ammount off brainactivity started to reduce
Like the level of the conversation, did at the phone
they both gave in to screaming, as they were seduced..
The babys father was on the phone, wanted to see his kid
but she didnt want any thing to do with that!
so he treathend her to come over, pick up his son and split..

Not even knowing in what critical condition his baby was now

But as the water continued to fill up..and herded up in his tiny lungs
mother was in a fight .. on the phone
speaking to the baby's father.. with ruined tongues
i guess u can call it ironic, and it sure does my eyebrowns frown
that the creators, of something beautifull..
arguing over stupid things! letting there creation drown..

I guess you cant always forsee whats going to happen and whats to come
and u cant say what if i did this, what would have happen then..
but i think u always will read and be intrigued by story's
story's writtin with a broken pen.

wow..Ya updated me w/ small parts before it was finished
but the finished article was one of the most heart felt
pieces I've read here. Your detail N thougfht into the
mothers state of mind was amazing! you really delved into
her mind. & like i said i knew summit bad was gonna happen
b/coz both parents love conflicted for their child they were
taught a harsh lesson. To actually put the child first
& not themselves. This was Lump in the throat material
and ya deserve good apraisels for this.
I'd like to see stories of a broken pen become a series
of well thought out pieces. Mad props on this
& keep spittin Ill drops..pz

Eddy...I thought this was exceptional.....This could and should be considered a Legendary material..but as you know..my voice is never heard so....
..M!sf!ts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Eddy .. this piece was deep and real as shit man .. Such a touching story .. Imagery in this piece was beautiful man .. And the writing of it seemed well planned out and ended up highly dope .. Was a fucced up and crazy story .. But really believable in the same way .. Mad props on this .. One part of this really drew me in man .. Let alone .. The very first line about the pen drew me in .. But this part here ..


Cause the phone went and she didnt know what to do
her mind filled up w/ decisions 'phone can wait, if its important it rings again in a few'
But what if its not?
maybe its a crucial call..& needs answered right away
i need to answer now! the way i live i cant suffer from any kind of delay
So she putted a towl into the tub, hoping the baby wont slip..
ran to the phone picked it up, but unfortuantly the baby did!..


That part set up your endin' so dopely man .. This piece really hit home deeply man .. A dope story .. Very sick piece all around .. Keep writin' man .. One

Nice drop good story good imagery i like all the way thru even tho it was long i wanted to stop but parts caught my attention so i read it all .

Ok thnx o.O

Uppppppppper.

this piece was strong in imagry and very deep...a nice reed Ed ...didn't overflow it with vocab but this was still a very content n complex piece...flow was onpoint n basic which isn't bad at all

again.. nice piece ed

Very dopeness Eddy...This was veeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyy dope. I say, your style just caters to me in the right way, because I find nothing ever bad with your pieces, just not strong enough in writers voice at times. This is where you just came out strong, and just really appealed to me more. coolio

i didnt actually like it, but nice drop
that shit bored me to death

i can see the realness and what u were tryin to do....

"I guess you cant always forsee whats going to happen and whats to come
and u cant say what if i did this, what would have happen then..
but i think u always will read and be intrigued by story's
story's writtin with a broken pen."

thats the only part i didnt hate

^If u dont have ne thing usefull to say -stfu

im just giving my honest opinion

unbiased realisitc untainted feedback


dont get mad


you cant elevate with nothing but but positive feed...negatives are just important

I dont need elevations from kids with // in their sigs, so again.. if u dont have any thing usefull to say.. stfu.

Up^Up^Up U go..

this was good. Even though i dont like the write all that much ... this was oright. Structure could use a bit more fixing but everything else was dope. Came good with vocab and the idea was nice. I really liked the opening sentence.... Oright .. that it