Reality

Reality

I’m cold and I’m lonely, defiled by my own wonder
I search beyond my necessities, I start going under
So this sin captivates me, im a soul snared by violence
Provoked by the slightest slant in time tied by silence
Corruption erupts from mere thrust entrusted moments
Pleasured by blood colored guilt held as broken tokens
My mind is my weapon, I’m exposed to my own clarity
I exist only in thoughts, my body merely a grown parody
Convicted by my desires and enhanced by its appeal
Deception supercedes to prove what hasn’t been real
I pretend the effect is buried and unseen due to hatred
When in reality the truth is the fake intake that’s naked
Betrayed by my own beliefs, my feelings slowly secreted
What was once concealed within my skin is now depleted
In the end I begin to let myself go with nothing there left to hold me
You see even pleasure in sin has its limits, I remain cold and lonely

dope piece, nice imagery, really nice use of words, all i can really say is i look forward to reading some more of your open mics.....check out my open mic Photographs if you get the chance

i also thought this was a dope peice
u should tell the reader about what
ur topic is and stuff...in ur peice
cuz the first time around i didnt understand
where u were going with it but as i read
between the lines i understood more... ihate
reading so it was unpleasant for a few minutes :)
*in awe of ur word choice.* good stuff.

I also though this was a dope piece.....the imagery was great an felt it all the way......your vocab was nice an so was your flow........very easy flowing an easy to read........keep up this an id be glad to read more of your stuff........

thanx peepz^ much appreciation. i don't know
if im allowed to tell you wut its about. lol. j/k. maybe.
uppin this for more.
pz

uppin this for summore feedback plz. hit this up and
i'll hit up urs....thanx.
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pz

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pz

wasup homie...1st of all ur drop was dope, the imagery was seen picture perfect, felt the whole thing..the vocab was nice n not complicating..the flow was on point n evrything fell into its place, very easy n good read...keep rhymin to de fullest..hit my drop up called "my Prayers"....

Peace

^thanx bunches. lol. i hit that up. propz
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keep'em coming........
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Ur sig is gay..

Ur writtin need improvement, .. keep writing= -)

^hahaha. fag
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I like pieces like this. It was short, with very good imaginary plus the structure was good. However i had a bit of a problem understanding what it was about exacly till the second time i read it. It was a good pice. Props

Strong piece. Flow, Vocab, Concept, Closer you did good on all fronts. I guess the only things I could say is throw in some internal rhymes (and make it longer). Keep writing.

*ignore brackets

Thanks for the feedback. much appreciation. I wrote this piece so it
was hard to understand unless you searched deeper. its one of my
favorite techniques to use in my work.