Death..For Hottie

sorry its so long guyz..had to make it that way to cover this broad topic..

A wreath of hollies to heal…few know how you feel..
If you still manage to float across the ocean of pain instilled..
Its real…lives lost…travel to places that all sorts debate…
Unimaginable pain…we all suffer a tortured fate..
Scorched with hate…loss presents the pain..you were here,now I’m lost without…
And battle memories of a presence..paying for misery..just costs a shout…
Imposter’s bout…souls escape to be mass sent..
Where?….the doorway to that realm is in the casket..
Masked wit…intelligence hit..believing the unbelievable…
And swallowed days of misery encompass what you perceive is true..
Swallow and feed the truth…force fed with pain and reality…
Overdosed capsules of hurt…to envision the presence is now with me…
Sound hits me….with resounding arms I encase violence….
And bullied by the cruelties of life...i seek shelter in silence…
Considering the time spent….recover a twisted mindset…
With the thought that...the shooting stars are God’s tears as I wept…
And when these rhymes quit…you give into misguided notions….
That heavens gate lies…is over Finality’s ocean…
Quick to settle commotion…Stress is overwrought…
Yet I seek…why God?… this answer sought…
And thoughts of…better days..were only a fools folly…
For the future only presented…days soaked in melancholy..
To hell on trollies..who knows where the souls relax in peace …
And I’d give my soul..If I could just wax your feet..
I know its sweet…yet this giver is cold…
If only I could see you…I’d swim in the river of souls…
To live and behold…you..i demand this help…
And I’d gladly cheat Destiny with horrible hand I was dealt...
Man I just felt..that if there was someway we could reach each other…
With only 1 life to live…I’d gladly give it…just to be together..

sorry for ur loss Hottie..I think i speak on behalf of RB when i say we are all here for u...

-DAZ

Awww Thanks Alot Dazasta....Its Really Good.

You Had Alot Of Emotion In It Too....This Is Nice Of You To Do...Thanks :)

np^^...all for u...anymore responses?.......penskills? lirael? any1?

skimmed thru it cuz i gotta go soon...but very touching and very real.....

but on the technical side...its an interesting, yet cool flow u got going...the vocab was coo too...sorry for the poorly broken down feedback but i gotta bounce

I thought this topic was very deep, although the topic could've been more clarified as it being in whole, it still touched it quite well, your vocabulary has certainly gotten more advanced daz, I feel for you Hottie, my g'pa passed this past summer & i know how you feel, but overall, this piece was descripted quite well, i would do the same thing as daz's closer. PROPS to DAZ....

thanx j...i couldnt do the extent on death..maybe later..but it will be LONG!...thx anyway...more feedback?

uppin............................................. ..2

a very nice gesture!!
seems like their was a lot of emotion in this piece, vocab was nice you is getting better evry open mic, which i say every time. keed ya head up hottie, i kinda know what it feels like i lost my mother, but not too death!!!

peace

hmm...interesting..good flow, but your content was somewhat confusing...

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